Brer Rabbit and the cricket match

WHEN tellyvishun done gone come to de briar patch, ole Brer Rabbit, he become mighty watchful. He watch de tellyvishun from mornin' till night, an' he larnt himself a whole lot of new t'ings which de rest of de critters was too dumb to larn. Of all de t'ings Brer Rabbit saw, what took his fancy mos' was dis new game he ain't never knowed nothin' 'bout befo', callt cricket. He lay low an' he watch an' bimeby he become mighty thoughtful. Wit' a mind as crafty as a cartload of monkeys, he reckoned that nobody could teach him no new tricks, but he changed his mind quick about dat when he see dis t'ing callt match-fixin'. "Here", he sez to himself, "is somet'ing new an' full of promise". An' he sets himself to work.

Soon Brer Rabbit, he spreads cricket all over de place. All de little critters is crazy 'bout de game, an' not long after, so's all de chilluns' Mammies an' Pappies. Befo' you knows it, dere's two Internash'nal Teams, de Bears an' de Foxes, an' dey's at each udder's t'roats, which suits Brer Rabbit fine, 'cos now he kin have some peace an' quiet, wit' Brer Bear (de captin of de Bears) an' Brer Fox (de captin of de Foxes) at loggerhaids wit' each udder. Brer Rabbit, he appoint himself as coach an' manager' an' sponsor an' Praz'dent an' Wise-Praz'dent of de Cricket Council an' umpire an' bookie all rollt into one, an' he have himself a mighty fine time. Ev'y now an' den Brer Rabbit ain't none too sho' 'bout de rules of de game, but he never lets on, an' he never 'low dat to come in de way of nothin', 'cos he's quick to make his own rules as he go along. Bimeby de day draws near fer de Fust Cricket Test Match between de Bears an' de Foxes.

De day befo' de match, Brer Rabbit keep himself busy fillin' up ten jars wit' glue an' adin' a spot of yaller colorin' to it. He den sticks a label wit' "HUNNY" printed on it on each jar, an' he makes sho' Brer Bear gets to see de jars as he walks him past his house. Brer Bear's eyes, dey full of greed for de "hunny", an' his stummick, it rumbles at de sight. Dat night, Brer Bear is in a agony of longin' for de honey, when he sudd'nly gets a tellyphone call from Brer Rabbit. Brer Rabbit, he wants to make a deal wit' Brer Bear. Brer Bear has to call at de toss tommorrer, an' Brer Rabbit, who has a one-sided coin will make sho' dat Brer Bear wins de toss. Brer Bear has to bat fust an' t'row de match away makin' sho' dat de Bears make jest a hunnerd runs. Dat's in exchange for de ten jars of honey. Brer Bear, he ax his conshunce an' he ax his stummick, an' since he ain't got de one an' he do have de udder, he agrees to de deal. Before all dis happen, Brer Rabbit (who's goin' to umpire de match from bot' ends) has already got a big fat lot of boodle from Brer Fox in exchange for makin' sho' dat Brer Rabbit won't decleer Brer Fox out tommorrer. Meanwhile, in de days leadin' up to de match, Brer Rabbit bin mighty busy placin' bets on de outcome. He's got all de critters gamblin' wildly. Half de critters bet on de Bears winnin', an' de udder half bet on de Foxes winnin'. Brer Rabbit, he bin off'rin' huge odds on bot' sides.

De day of de great match arrive, an' ev'yt'ing go 'cordin' to plan. Brer Bear win de toss and de Bears, dey's skittled out for jest a hunnered runs De Foxes bat nex', an' dey reach a hunnerd fer nine wickets, after Brer Fox bin bowled nineteen times an' bin decleered not out nineteen times by Brer Rabbit on account dey was all no-balls. De scores is level now, an' de Foxes has one run to make to win, an' one wicket in hand, an' all de rest of de afternoon to play. Number Eleven walks in, his knees knockin' togedder, an' lookin' as skeered as a bunny. De bowler bowls an' de ball is ten feet wide an' de batter ain't anywheres near it, when Brer Rabbit holler "Howzzat?" to himself an' also raises his finger. Out L.B.W.! You should hev sin Brer Fox's face at de udder end! De match, it done gone ended in a tie! Nobody who bet on de match get to win, an' Brer Rabbit he make a real nice, tidy packet.

Dat evenin', after Brer Bear transfer all de "hunny" jars from Brer Rabbit's house to his own, de polis blow de whistle on him. Fer dey bin tappin' his tellyphone, an' dey kotched him in de ack. Dey cun't fix nothin' on Brer Rabbit 'cos dat clever animal, he done gone changed his voice when he spoke over de tellyphone wit' Brer Bear. De case landed in court an' Brer Bear tells de judge, pointin' a big, fat, shakin' finger at Brer Rabbit, 'bout how he tried to bribe him wit' all dose jars of honey. De judge has to examine de evidence, an' he scoop out a fingerfull of "hunny" from de jar an' lick his finger. He don't get no honey in his mouth, only a lot of yaller-colored glue which stick his jaws tight togedder, an' dey won't come apart fer de nex' ten days. De judge is powerful mad, an' jes' as soon as he kin speak, he reads de sentence and t'rows Brer Bear in de slammer. As fer Brer Rabbit, dat cunnin' critter skedabbles off to de bank wit' all de loot he's made, lippity-clippity, clippity-lippity, sayin' to himself, jes' as sassy as a jay-bird, "Honnisty is de wuss pollisy".

Dere's some 'conomist critters, like old Brer Groves an' ole Brer Ledyard an' ole Brer Laffont, what's tryin' to figger out when honnisty is de bess pollisy. Dey got some mighty fancy names fer it, sump'n dat sound like "implementashun" an' "'centive contemptibility" an' "revelashun of pref'rences" or somesech. Dey's still figgerin' it out, an' scratchin' dey haids, an' waitin' fer de Nobul Prize.

Well, chilluns. Dat's it fer tonight. Tommorrer, I'll tell de story 'bout how to fix de Nobul scam.

S. SUBRAMANIAN

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