Hitopadesa for the new millennium

CHILDREN, I'm sure you've all read stories from the Panchatantra. You can't possibly have forgotten those Immortally Illustrated Stories that appeared in lurid comic books with the colour running out in a ghastly sort of way from the pictures of foxes and tortoises which you accepted, in your trustingly turnip- headed way, as representions of foxes and tortoises. One does not recover in a hurry from such traumatic literary encounters. Well, then. It's on those stories that the Hitopadesa, or Book of Good Counsel, an ancient Sanskrit text, is based. Of late, the educators in our country have begun to detect a foreign hand in the Hitopadesa as it has been handed down to us. How else, they argue, can one explain the complete unsuitability to our times and culture of the morals and maxims to be found in that text? In fact the Archaeological Survey of India has reported that a whole clutch of palm leaves, constituting the text of the real Hitopadesa, has recently been unearthed at a site on the banks of the river Sarayu. These findings suggest that ancient Indian civilisation had achieved an incredibly advanced level of technological sophistication, on a par with that of our own. This upholds the notion of a Cosmic Wheel, or something on that order, in which things appear, disappear, and reappear in cyclical epochs, or yugas, or something like that. (Look, if you have all these questions, you really ought to be checking them out with your grandmother. She just might be able to bluff her way out of trouble.) What this also proves is that the authentic Hitopadesa has been suppressed, and replaced by a subversive text - the work of barbaric invading hordes from Asia Minor - that has been handed down the centuries to us as the genuine article, as part of a millennial conspiracy to emasculate our true culture and enfeeble our racial potency. There is, in fact, a move afoot to pass an Act in Parliament whereby it will be statutorily binding, in the interests of reclaiming lost national pride, to identify the fake Hitopadesa by spelling it with an 'S' in front. Recently, the ICHR (Indian Council of Historical Regress) authorised an English-language translation of the freshly unearthed (real) Hitopadesa, extracts from which are reproduced below. Read these, children, and discover the joy of having the cobwebs and confusion created by the fake forever blown away on the winds of a truly inspiring system of values that you should be able to recognise as your own, and identify with, and make the most of.

Extracts from the true Hitopadesa

The King addressed the great assemblage of wise men thus:

"O Sages and pandits, witness the misfortune, greater far than that of being burdened by a wife with a long tongue, that has befallen me. For I have a son, the Prince of this Realm, that is a wastrel and a dreamer. He has not the wherewithal to perform those Kingly duties of statecraft, war, corruption, and corruption, that must some day devolve upon his uncouth and misshapen shoulders, when I am called upon to shed these mortal coils and Yama claims me for his own. I know not under what stellar constellation of cosmic misfortune this offspring of mine was begotten. The worm of worry on his behalf eats my heart away, and keeps me from one productive kickback after another, one tyranny upon the citizenry after another. For he will not browse the Internet; he speaks of truth and charity as if these were virtues; he reads the Communist Manifesto; he takes not the slightest effort to seek profitable intercourse with the Underworld in the matter of arranging Bat-and-Ball Contests; he speaks not of exacting tribute, but only of alleviating poverty; his mind is distracted forever by notions of Old-Age Pension, when he should occupy himself with apprenticeship to the art of fudging actuarial statistics; he believes in secularism and democracy. The catalogue is endless, but my time upon this planet is not. Will no-one from among you, O men of learning and wisdom, take him in hand and instruct him in the art and craft of the Political and Moral Sciences?"

Then it was that the great sage and scholar, Tantrabuddhisarman, venerated through the length and breadth of the country for his virtue and his erudition, rose and gave utterance, thus: "Fear not, O King! He that has issued forth from your stock cannot for long stray from what has been ordained for him by his noble birth and lineage: in time, he must revert to his true nature. With good counsel and guidance, the Prince shall have his aberrations ironed out, and be set upon the path of success and attainment that have been destined for him. In six months, I shall instruct him in the art and craft of the Political and Moral Sciences."

Thereupon the King thanked Tantrabuddhisarman most humbly, and the Prince was entrusted to the seer's tutelage.

Tantrabuddhisarman well knew the merits of indoctrination through the medium of tales. Upon the Prince's eager acquiescence with the idea of learning from fables, Tantrabuddhisarman embarked upon

The first story

Once, on the banks of the river Bhagirathi, there lived a Snake called Seshanagananda. Not far from the Snake's abode lived an old Mongoose called Dantagaurava. Dantagaurava, calling out to Seshanagananda from his thicket, informed the latter in a piteous voice that old age was occasioning him untold dental trouble which interfered with his ingestion. Moved by the fate of the Mongoose, Seshanagananda went over to his thicket, carrying with him a gift of false teeth. The Mongoose pounced upon the Snake, opened his mouth, and ate him up. This story upholds the moral that old-age pensions are very bad. Dantagaurava had two friends, Nayamitra the Dog, and Tavalaimitra the Toad. To these latter two, he narrated

The second story

Once, on the banks of the river Gangotri, there lived a Pigeon called Kabutarivathy. Despite the advice of all her friends, she steadfastly refused to learn computer software. But one day, when a storm began to brew, she found herself with no option but to order for an umbrella from a hardware store by e-mail. Ignorant as she was of software, a Virus called Vairasambhava emerged from the computer, opened his mouth, and ate up the Pigeon. The story upholds the moral that you can't survive without computers in this day and age. Vairasambhava had two friends: Hamsadhvani the Swan and Margabandhu the Leopard. To these latter two, he narrated

The third story

Once, on the banks of the river Godavari, there lived a Fly called Makhimaitreyi. Makhimaitreyi had a friend, a Horse called Kudremukhi. On a certain rainy day, Makhimaitreyi offered to tickle Kudremukhi's nose for him. Kudremukhi, who was willing to do anything for a laugh, fell in readily with the idea. Perched on his nose, Makhimaitreyi was most strategically placed. She opened her mouth, and ate up the Horse. The moral of this story is that you mustn't trust anyone. The other moral is that you should always betray your friends. Another friend of Kudremukhi's, Bhagiravastraputra the Tiger, was very relieved to be rid of his friend, and in gratitude for Makhimaitreyi's favour, he narrated to her

The fourth story

Once, on the banks of the river Brahmaputra, there lived a Lion called Singhameswara, who had a Rat slave called Chuhavardhini. Having been caught in the web of the prose of a crafty and subversive scholar called Karlamarkandaya, Singhameswara decided one day to give Chuhavardhini a fair wage. Chuhavardhini, growing daily stronger on her fair wage, one morning caught Singhameswara taking a cat nap, whereupon she opened her mouth and ate up the Lion. This story reveals the moral that Communism is bad. Chuhavardhini then narrated, to her friend Gomukhi the Cow,

The fifth story

Once, on the banks of the river Kaveri, there lived a Boar called Suvarnasundari. All the other creatures of the forest belonged to her community, save Hamsanandi the Hedgehog. It was decided in a council meeting that Hamasanandi should be driven out of the forest, but Suvarnasundari held out, maintaining that communalism had no place in a secular and democratic society. She stuck to this position, despite the warnings of her friends. One day, Hamsanandi came up to Suvarnasundari and asked her if she believed Hamsanandi had a right to the beliefs enjoined on him by his community. When Suvarnasundari answered in the affirmative, Hamsanandi informed her that the doctrine of his community instructed him to eat Boars. Saying this, he opened his mouth and ate up Suvarnasundari. From this story, we learn the moral that pseudo-secularism, minorityism, and false democracy are bad.

Within six months, the Prince of the Realm had been thoroughly instructed by Tantrabuddhisarman in the art and craft of the Political and Moral Sciences, and he attained to a high degree of perfection in the onerous task of preparing to assume the King's mantle whenever the time for that should come.

S. SUBRAMANIAN

Send this article to Friends by E-Mail

Section  : Features
Previous : Still verse
Next     : Taliban