From cradle to caring arms

Trials and tribulations apart, the entire experience of adopting a baby brings a sense of fulfilment to all the people involved in the process, writes VISA RAVINDRAN.

ADOPTION IS often compared to arranged marriages. A new name, a fresh pair of arms embracing the baby are the end of an arduous process, the beginning of an experience fraught with its own tests and trials but bringing the rewards of fulfilment to all those involved in the adoption process. Unscrupulous practices by unauthorised agencies highlighted in the media, in recent times, have directed attention to the seamier side but it is heartening to note that, in Tamil Nadu, it is a fairly well-structured service monitored by the Central Adoption Resource Agency - CARA - and following the Supreme Court's recommendations for domestic and inter-country and adoptions.

In India, only Hindus could adopt a child under the Hindu Maintenance and Adoption Act of 1956. All others could only come close to it through the Guardians and Wards Act, 1890, which allowed non-biological parents to become guardians only of the children they wished to adopt. In order to set right the restrictions on non-Hindus and to bring in mechanisms benefiting abandoned or abused children, the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act, 2000, has included adoption in its ambit. This Act excludes from its purview those children voluntarily relinquished by their parents. It allows parents to adopt more than one child relinquished by their parents. It allows parents to adopt more than one child of each sex and unlike preceding pieces of legislation, recognises the single parent. Those working in the field, however, are of the view that a more comprehensive law on adoption is required despite the improvements brought about by the JJA, 2000.

Talking to Dr. Ananthalakshmi Subramaniam, Secretary, Voluntary Co-ordinating Agency for Adoption (VCA), about the scene in Chennai, I find that adoption is a complex issue that goes far beyond legal authority and academic discussion but am also assured that it is a well-structured system working well within the parameters set by the Supreme Court. Scams of the Andhra variety have rarely been reported here and when some unsavoury stories did come out, a few years ago, they were effectively dealt with by committed social workers and agency personnel.

In depth interviews to assess basic motivation, general attitude, emotional health, attitude towards infertility and adoption, quality of family life, economic security and the family support available are arranged and followed by a visit to the adoptive parents' house by a social worker. Counselling follows. Physical matching of the baby to the parents is done to achieve full integration and parents are helped to understand the need for complexion-matching and so on in the Indian context. One of the differences between in-country adoption and inter-country adoption, obviously is the question of ethnicity, more easily accepted abroad, than in India. Medical tests for HIV and Hepatitis are insisted on and the parents are also asked to take the baby to a doctor of their choice to be fully assured.

Most adoption requests in Chennai are from infertile parents, and other cases, like career-minded women wanting to avoid the disruption caused by pregnancy, are still rare in Chennai, says Dr. Subramaniam. Philanthropic or humanitarian reasons - children orphaned by natural calamities or conflict situations as in Kosovo, needing homes - do not act as incentives for adoption here. Most of the children given in adoption are those born out of wedlock. The process of getting a surrender certificate after giving the mother 60 days to think it over and getting the father also to agree in cases of extra-marital relationships, are all transparent and adhered to with the interests of the child uppermost in all dealings. The whole process, from admission to adoption, including maintenance, fostercare and legislation, costs from Rs. 15,000-20,000 recovered from the adoptive parents. Some agencies like Bala Mandir and Gandhigram do not charge the (adoptive) parents but meet costs from trust funds and other sources. Social workers mention that the 30 calendar days given (according to the SC guidelines followed) to help find a parent are not enough. Another area where improvement is found to be necessary is in post-adoption counselling as there are not enough qualified personnel doing this in a systematic way.

The less obvious side to adoption is the emotional one where even a discussion like this ought to be careful not to seem insensitive to human feeling. When to tell the child and how? The VCA suggests that it should be a gradual process starting around the early age of three, with parents using bedtime stories like that of the cuckoo and the crow, showing news pictures of dogs looking after cats etc., using mythological stories like Krishna's childhood to get the child used to the idea and then for the parents to gently break the truth to the child and avoid the shock of finding out suddenly or brutally from other sources.

Peer pressure has to be anticipated and prepared for too. The India Adoptive Parents' Association (IAPA), in Mumbai, has brought out a book called 'Your Story' that helps the parent and child to share the idea of adoption, says Dr. Subramaniam, explaining the need to avoid loss of confidence on the child's part. Overreaction on the child's part is also a possibility always, something that was beautifully depicted recently in Balachander's story (Raj TV's Chinnathirai) of a girl trying to bring up her dead friend's baby born out of wedlock. The serial also brought out the dangers of non-acceptance by the extended family. The fulfilment brought to all parties involved in an adoption is the best part of it and makes the arduous process of choice, acceptance and integration worthwhile. "I love them as I do my own and haven't had a moment of doubt," says Nita who has two adopted children now in their teens. Vani and her husband, both busy doctors who adopted a little girl, Kala, now 7 years old, advise many other friends in similar circumstances to do the same. A single woman, a journalist working for the Los Angeles Times, has written a moving story about adopting a girl from India. She calls her Barra Kalin - Born Beautiful, in Hebrew; her story records truthfully not only the joys but the rigours of motherhood but she concludes: "Having said all that let me say, "I'm in love. It is a feeling so overpowering, so all- encompassing, that it is frightening. I never knew I had so much feeling inside me. Nothing in life ever felt so good." She and her friend Kathy who also has an adopted girl, share yet another precious possession: a poem (written by an anonymous poet) whose framed copy hangs on the bedroom wall...

'Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute

You didn't grow under my heart

But in it.'

Send this article to Friends by E-Mail

Section  : Features
Next     : A down-to-earth mission