Playing the perfect host

Dear Hilka,

We will be hosting some guests from the United States in several weeks. It will be their first trip to India and we want to be good hosts. What should we do to make their stay pleasant?

Visited

Dear Visited,

THE two primary rules of hosting are to be prepared before the guests arrive and then to relax and enjoy yourselves once they have arrived. When dealing with Americans visiting another country, a host must also be careful not to take offence when none was intended by his American guests unused to a culture different from their own. Before your guests arrive, try to determine what their interests are so that you can plan accordingly. However, don't be surprised if they inform you that they would like to visit the Taj Mahal one afternoon while they are there, even though they may be visiting you in Chennai. The American sense of geography can leave a great deal to be desired. If you have any activities planned, for which they would need special equipment or clothing, let them know before they leave so they can pack accordingly. In fact, it is a good idea to let them know as much about the climate and the appropriate dress as possible.

If your guests are staying in your home rather than in a hotel, check the room they will be staying in to see that everything is in order. Even sleep in that room one night to get a feel for what they will experience, whether it is a lumpy mattress, sunlight streaming in at daybreak, unusual noises that might keep them up or faulty plumbing that could mar their stay but that you may not be aware of until you actually try it.

Have maps, contact numbers and local transportation information available for them to help them get around once they arrive. Include a list of sights and shopping that they might enjoy with instructions on how to get there. Then, if they decide to explore on their own, you won't worry about them getting lost.

Once they arrive let them know as much as possible about the household schedule and the people in your home, whether it is family members or staff, so that they do not feel awkward or uncomfortable. Americans like to feel at home in most places in which they stay. If you do have household staff, let your guests know what they can and cannot expect from them and how the staff should be addressed and treated to avoid any friction in your household. It is also important to let them know of any cultural or dietary restrictions that you might practice in your home. For example, if you are a vegetarian or you do not drink alcohol, let your guests know beforehand. It is important for you to set parameters so that you do not become stressed by having these guests in your home.

Many Americans do not have a great deal of international cultural exposure and, like most people in most cultures, they think that their way is the right way. They do not understand the caste system, and they will probably question it. They will also question Hindu attitudes to the cow since to Americans it is only a food source. Nor can you expect them to eat only with the right hand, without carefully explaining it to them and possibly even reminding them during the course of their visit.

While it is hard to generalise about Americans since it is such a heterogeneous culture in a large country, it is quite possible that you may find them to make more physical contact than you are used to. They might also be louder. And, they most certainly will be more direct in their speech. They will become frustrated by language that is too effusive or evasive since they communicate on the premise that you should say what you mean and mean what you say. Try to be as direct as it is comfortable for you to be when speaking with them.

As host to guests from abroad, do share your culture with them, but be attuned to cultural overload. They are dealing with a lot of strange new sights, sounds, tastes and sensations, and there is only so much that anyone can absorb. Don't try to fill every minute of their day with activities while they are visiting. Allow some down time and some time for them to explore on their own. And, don't forget to schedule some down time for yourself as well. If you are stressed or worried about trying to please them, your anxiety will show.

Sincerely,

HILKA KLINKENBERG

E-mail: hilka-hindu@hotmail.com

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