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One day I'll say `God bless you.. and walk out'

Rasheeda Bhagat

When you meet the flamboyant Chief Minister of Jammu & Kashmir Farooq Abdullah, it's natural to quiz him on his playboy image.

``Have I mellowed? No, no. I haven't had the opportunities to do the things I've wanted to do. There seems to be a lack of talent around.''

So, was the hunter ageing, you lead him on. ``No, no, with Maneka Gandhi saying that hunting is bad, I've had to pull back a little.''

With the RSS and the Shiv Sena calling him names and trusted allies like Chandrababu Naidu and George Fernandes coming down against his latest autonomy initiative, it is surprising that he can smile at all.

A self-confessed `serious reader' of newspapers and magazines (``I don't go to bed till I've read every newspaper''), he has had to take a lot of media bashing.``I take the media very seriously. Sometimes it hurts me as I feel the criticism is not fair. It pains and you feel terrible, and feel like saying to hell with everything.. why the hell should I take it?''.

Often he feels that the media is hanging him ``for a wrong trial.. without understanding my heart or feelings, or what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to change the direction of the river and take it virtually in the opposite direction. They don't see this. ''

Frustrating it can get, each morning when he awakens to the call of the muezzin (``You know it is very loud here''), he gets out of bed with a prayer to God to give him the courage to face another day.

And then comes a surprising bout of self-pity. ``I am a lonely and misunderstood man; I have nobody who understands me. My wife stays in London with my daughter who is studying there. I have nobody but my servant.''

Managing a home in the absence of his wife -- ``she'll be back next year from London where my daughter is studying'' -- is terrible. ``You won't believe it but on many days my shirt doesn't have a button and I have to yell to the servant: For God's sake sew it on.''

So why did a medical doctor, who was working in a hospital in England, return home to enter the rough and tumble of politics?

``My father was arrested when I was in college. When he returned to power in 1975, I thought there should be somebody who could tell him what was happening.''

On his return from England he told his father that the communication link between J&K and the Congress high command in Delhi was very weak and he would like to improve that through his entry in Parliament. ``Misunderstanding with Delhi has been the trage dy of this State,'' he says.

He answers his critics in Kashmir for joining a Government led by the BJP by arguing that without a benign Centre, the State cannot survive, and thunders, ``I'll join the devil, for Kashmir's sake. I need more troops, more funds, more weapons for my poli ce. How will they come if I'm not on the right side of the Centre?''. On his relations with the Centre, and Prime Minister A.B.Vajpayee, he says he trusts Vajpayee. ``But let me tell you that his party would not like to give anything. They would even r ather remove Article 370. But compulsions will be so great on them from here that being the Prime Minister he will have to find a way out and win the hearts of the people of J&K. And they cannot do so by abrogating Article 370. They can do it only by add ing to this Article and telling Kashmiris: Look here, you're safe with us. I believe Vajpayee is the one man who would want to do it, but whether he can do it, time alone will show.''

With there being such an opposition to his autonomy resolution, does he sometimes feel that he should have stuck to medicine and left such headaches behind?

With a deep sigh he says, ``I should have listened to the advice of my father when he warned me: Don't get into politics. It's a flowing river and you have to be very strong to swim against the tide. If you can't swim against the current, then you'll sin k. And, if you follow and go along with the river, you will not do any good.''

Apparently the Younger Abdullah gave the same advice to his son -- Omar Abdullah -- and he didn't take it. ``I hope he doesn't regret it when I'm not there''.

When reminded that the youngest Abdullah seemed to be doing rather well, he says with a smile, ``Oh yes, he is doing well, but he is not sitting on this chair in Kashmir. When he does sit on this chair, he will realise his father was not wrong.''

Abdullah believes that in the end ``it is not worth it. It takes too much out of you and leaves you with nothing. There is no time left for your family or yourself''.

To the comment that being in power is like taking in a bit of opium and has its own josh, he snaps, ``You can have a better opium and cocaine than this. It's too much of a mess. Even if you want to do good, you're not understood.''

Has the thought crossed his mind that one day he should leave all the battles and turmoil behind him and just quit?

``Somebody advised me.. the ex-prime minister of Canada. Trudeau came here on a trekking expedition during my last regime. I asked him why did you quit when you were so young and had so much left to do. And he said, I tell every friend of mine, and I'll tell you, that you should leave some time to see what God has created... and some time for yourself. This is the most thankless job, so my advice to you is that at a certain age in life, quit.''

When challenged that he would never do it, he says emphatically, ``No, I'll do it. Many of them were surprised when I pushed the autonomy resolution through. Similarly they'll be surprised when I say: God bless you and walk out.''

And after that it would be ``playing golf at some of the most beautiful courses in the world. And, I want to see God's earth. I haven't seen China, Tibet, New Zealand, South America... and I'd like to see more of Canada.''

What about Pakistan?

``I've been there. My last visit was in 1974. But I haven't been to Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Greece, Romania and Poland.. and I want to see these places.''On being reminded that a lot of money would be required to travel around the world, the old Abdullah i s back in a flash, ``Dekhiye na, I'll pick up a motorcycle..''

With Shabana Azmi on the pillion?

``Nahi, kisi aur ko utha lengey.. hamara kya jaata hei? Woh kehtey hei ki tu nahi aur sahi, aur nahi, aur sahi (No, I'll pick up somebody else. As they say, if not you, there will be another) and then in those countries too I'll find new and interesting women. But I do want to see the world and its people.''

And, he assures you, it won't amount to ditching Kashmiris. ``There will be somebody else. Nobody can ditch the Kashmiris.'' He recalls the time in 1980 when he was confused by the kind of back-stabbing and political games which were going on, ``I asked my father who do I believe and who do I trust? I feel I'm not fit to run the party. He became pale and I thought aaj zaroor pitayee hongi (I'll be thrashed) and said: You think you're running the show? Remember agar tumhara irada nek hei tau Khuda khud t umhara raasta saaf kar denga. Tum mey himmat honi chahiye aur jab tumhara waqt ho jayenga tau doosra aadmi waha honga us manzil kau chalaney ke liye. (If your resolve is above board, God himself will clear the path for you. But you should have the courag e to deliver. And when your time ends, there will be another person waiting there to take over).

``We used to ask after Nehru who? Nehru went and a puny little fellow came... Once I saw him in Nehru's overcoat and that came down to his ankle like a phirang. But when the time came Shastri stood so tall. He stood up to Pakistan and overnight from ze ro he became hero.''

On the Nehru-Gandhi family's failure to sort out the mess in Kashmir, he says, ``Their love of Kashmir was so deep that Nehru could not bear to lose it. They were too much Kashmiris. When you ask me did they do fair by Kashmir I have to say that they wer e misguided and misled. We Kashmiris are emotional people and sometimes get carried away.''

One wouldn't expect the J&K chief minister to be a religious man. But he does fast during Ramzaan. ``It teaches you control, from so many things. When I was a medical doctor in England, I used to

fast and cook my own food for sehri and iftaar.''

The dapper Abdullah likes to dress well but isn't too particular about brand names. ``The only thing I go for are imported shoes. The shoes made here don't fit me; my shoe size is No. 12. I like Bali or Churchil and these I pick up from sales when I trav el.''

By his own admission he is not a big spender, and there is little time for shopping. ``But the one shop I visit in Delhi is The Music Shop. I buy cassettes of gazhals, specially Jagjit Singh, and good film songs.''

His reading is confined to newspapers and journals.

But what about reading for his soul?

``I don't think I have a soul left,'', he says.

Reminded that he had once expressed the desire to become the vice president of India, he quips, ``I want to become President, because then you don't have problems. Those are the headache of the prime minister and Parliament. I'll just sit on the chair.. and travel like hell.... there will not be a country I'll not visit.''