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When the tough get going ...

Porus P. Munshi

I was recently talking to someone who said that he was a tough negotiator. He looks an opponent in the eye and browbeats him till he backs down.

Being a tough negotiator is fine -- until you meet a tougher one or acquire a reputation for being tough. When you get a reputation for being tough, either your opposite party gives up easily because he's awed by you, or you encounter someone who wants y our reputation by beating you.

If you find a lot of negotiations beginning to break down, you may have to begin looking closer at what's happening. Many people don't like to feel that a `tough' guy has beaten them. And this can lead to numerous and unnecessary battles of the will. Eve n if your point is logical and makes good sense, the other guy may not give in simply because others might think that he's been `beaten'. It then turns out that almost every single issue becomes a battle.

So what does it take to be an effective negotiator? Once when I was a management trainee, an important client told my boss that I was a very good salesman. My boss just smiled and didn't say anything. Later, on the way back in the car, she told me someth ing I never forgot. She said that if a client says you're a good salesman, you've failed. The art of selling lies in the client never realising that he's been sold to. Your job is not to `sell'. It is to provide solutions to the client's needs; and the b est solution is one that the client thinks he's found himself.

Negotiating is something like that. If you're known as a `good' or a tough negotiator by your opposite number, blocks and guards automatically come up and your task then becomes that much harder. The best negotiators are those who slip under your conscio us guard. They work like Aikido masters. Aikido is a Japanese martial art that uses no hard blocks or attacks. You use the opponent's momentum and lead him around in the direction you choose. If you've seen movies of the Hollywood actor Steven Seagal -- who's an Aikido expert -- you'll know what I'm talking about. You never see him using any hard or violent blocks. He just gently and effectively makes use of his opponent's force and movement to completely neutralise him.

Negotiation is an art like Aikido. You don't go in for head-on confrontations. Take a leaf from Manuel Thomas' book. He's a soft-spoken financial consultant with V.M. Thomas and Co., who negotiates constantly on behalf of his clients. He negotiates both corporate agreements as well as gets conservative bureaucrats at the highest level to go along with project proposals. According to him, most people are programmed to say `no' initially.

The first statement he usually encounters is ``No. That can't be done''. Most people on hearing a `no' immediately respond with a `why not?' The problem with this is that the no-sayer then begins to come up with reasons. His initially reflexive `no' now acquires consistency, logic and reasonableness. This only serves to strengthen in his mind the rightness of his initial position.

According to Manuel Thomas, you should never let a `no' affect you personally. It's just the way most people react when faced with something new. Second, he never accepts it for an answer. When he encounters a ``No, that's impossible'', he may respond wi th a ``OK I understand -- for you to say it's impossible would mean that it must be really very difficult.'' At this point the other person could usually respond with a ``Yes, yes, it's very difficult'', or ``that's right, it's never been done before''. In either case, Manny's now got an opening he can work with. In the first response the person has moved from impossible to very difficult, and in the second case he's moved to a never-been-done-before. The next step, according to Manny, is to get him on the same side of the table.

Getting a person on to the same side of the table both metaphorically and physically can make any negotiation far easier. Friends, if you've noticed, rarely sit face to face; they sit next to each other. Even when they sit face to face, they move their c hairs so that a side or 3/4th view is presented. It's opponents or strangers who sit directly across each other. When you move to a person's side casually and in a friendly manner, a lot of resistance automatically comes down. You've crossed into his tru st zone.

A characteristic of good negotiators is the ability to listen. Listening allows them to work like an Aikido master -- to use the opponent's own words to get what you want. Listening also allows you to observe. If you want to know what an opponent is thin king, just watch his eyes. Just before speaking, if he looks to his right at the top or to the middle, he's inventing something. He could be either choosing his next words carefully, trying to take the discussion on to a different track, or inventing a l ie. Try it yourself. Invent a lie and notice where you look while you're doing so. If he looks to the left centre or top, he could be trying to remember something -- possibly a past experience or something someone told him.

When he looks down to his left, he could be listening to his inner voice and he looks down to his right he could be trying to get in touch with his feelings. At this time most people are close to a decision. When he looks down to the left and then to the right, he's been listening to his inner voice and weighing it against his feelings. Don't interrupt at this point; when he's ready, he'll look at you again. These are eye-accessing cues from NLP that you can use only when you listen.

Everyone has a like-to-have zone and a need-to-have zone in negotiations. Your job is to get to your opponent's need-to-have zone as painlessly as possible. Don't get into head-on confrontations, work like an Aikido master using your opponent's arguments against him, don't let a `no' affect you, get him on to the same side of the table, listen carefully to what he says and watch where his eyes move. Do this effectively and you just might become one of the best negotiators around.

The author is a Chennai-based HR consultant. He can be reached at porusmun@hotmail.com