Upside/Downside: Nuts in New York

THERE are two countries you get to visit once you get your H1b visa. One is the United States of America, and the other is New York.

NYC is like no other city in the world since it is a world in itself. The experience starts at the airport. Three airports service the city; these are JFK, La Guardia and New Ark. You are first examined as if you are a fugitive or an escapee from a foreign zoo, and then when they find they can't get rid of you in any way, they grudgingly let you in with the standard, "Welcome to the United States" which looks nice on paper, but when delivered in a low Rottweiler growl, you begin to wonder if you heard right! You look back to make sure but the official is already reducing an erstwhile fellow passenger to a quivering mass of disoriented and flavourless jelly.

Taxis are available from the airport, but if you can afford one, you needn't have come to the US to earn a living! The best bet is to take the underground railway called for some reason the subway. Busses ply but your idea of a pleasant evening's drive may not involve being backed up for about 10 km on a clogged turnpike leading to the city. Manhattan is a great place to stay if you have an immense stack of gold stashed away somewhere! You must be prepared for the appalling condition of the subway trains. They are dirty and smell foul. There has been an attempt of late to improve the conditions and new rakes have been introduced but how long they will last is anybody's guess! Stations are named after the street at which they're located. Many stations (and most of the local stops) have separate entrances to the uptown and downtown platforms-look before you pay! Don't stand too close to the edge of the platform, and board the train from the off-peak waiting area, marked at the centre of every platform (this area is monitored by cameras; it's also where the conductor's car often stops).

More advice: Hold your bag with the opening facing you, and don't wear flashy jewellery. Yellow cabs are hardly ever in short supply, except in the rain, and at around 4 or 5pm, when rush hour gets going and many cabbies-irritatingly-end their shifts. Some cabbies' knowledge of the city is lamentably meagre; it helps if you know where you're going! Many speak Hindi or Punjabi. Some of them don't speak English!

Driving is not for the faint of heart. If you intend to use your own car, do so only in the evening, when traffic is lighter and on-street parking is available. Even then, keep your eyes on the road and stay alert. Parking in midtown Manhattan costs too much. Much of your salary will go towards parking charges! You may also come across the quaint sight of a bicycle chassis chained to a streetlamp. The wheels, pedals, seat, chain and sprockets will be missing. Moral: never chain your cycle to a lamp, give it away to somebody first!

The boys in blue the NYPD, are not the suave, slick guys you see on cable TV in India. If you are arrested for a minor violation (disorderly conduct, harassment, loitering, rowdy partying, etc.) and you're very polite to the officer during the arrest (and are carrying proper ID), you'll probably get fingerprinted and photographed at the station and be given a desk-appearance ticket with a date to show up at criminal court. Then you get to go home. If you bluster and argue, you'll be dunked in the slammer till you are more civil. The bottom line: Avoid arrest, and if you can't, be humble. It pays.

Since you are an Indian, it's best for you to get comprehensive insurance before leaving India; it's almost impossible to arrange in the U.S. Some companies make take insurance out on your behalf. You might consider negotiating this when you are interviewed. Health insurance is necessary since medical expenses are really heavy. Talking about health, if you are on a course of prescription medicines, bring a sufficient stock with you and declare it at customs. Be certain to get the prescription along. While there are OTC- drugs available, it is impossible to get a prescription drug without one.

New York is about as expensive as any other big western capital city. (Actually, Washington D.C. is cheaper!) And is a little cheaper than Tokyo. The prices are all right; it is the extras that get your goat. You are expected to tip up to 20% in most places. If you can get away with 10% you'll be lucky. Make sure you don't go there again for a month!

Try not to buy clothes in NY. The cheapest is far more expensive than you spend on designer labels in India. Tog up at home and then go to the Big Apple! Crime and personal security have improved. Corpses do not litter the pavements and gun battles in Times Square happen only on the screen. Godzilla and King Kong do not terrorise the citizenry everyday. Nevertheless, if you are mugged, hand over your valuables (or most of them) when asked, even if they didn't say please! Then call 911, ASAP! Ladies could avoid wearing all their wedding jewellery just to be on the safe side, and those of you who have rolls of money in your pockets, try not to show it off!

Women residents of New York get used to the inevitable teasing and lecherous looks from men and develop a switch-off mechanism. They tend to dress provocatively and invite such responses. Indian ladies are either ignored, or are commented upon rudely. Ignoring this is a good idea. Should these lotharios get too persistent, duck into the nearest large shop.

If you smoke, do so only in secret places. The 1998 smoke-free act disallows smoking in public places, much like in India. The difference is that in NYC it is strictly enforced. Fines start at $100! Always ask before you light up. Better still, stop smoking!

You can choose to stay in one of NYC's 76,000 hotel rooms but you'll go broke before long! Finding a place to live is difficult, and expensive. Midtown and Uptown Manhattan are prohibitive. A two-roomed place can cost upwards of $5000 per month, with service costs of anything close to $1500. Astoria in northwestern Queens will cost about $1200, Bay Ridge in the southwestern tip of Brooklyn and Inwood just north of Washington Heights cost around $600-900. You could even find a three- bedroom for under $1,200. The Fort Greene area east of Washington heights will set you back anything from $750 to $1200.

Stapleton is a lot cheaper with two- or three-bedrooms in multi- storey houses running from $650 to $850. The abundance of residential buildings in Upper East Side cost $1,030/ month (utilities included)! Upper West Side, close to Central Park is cool for two people sharing a two- bedroom place for $2100. Many of the places I mention include basic furniture and soft furnishings.

With the kind of prices for accommodation, and general costs of living, where you can pay anything from $1-1.50 for a kilo of laundry and about $10 for a meal, you should accept a job only if you are paid at least $4500-6000, exclusive of negotiated perks. Manhattanites are grossly wasteful. Everything is larger than life. A single, regular pizza is about 22" across and a single serving of Caesar Salad will fill a huge trough, enough to nourish a starving cow. A lot of food gets thrown away and the contents of most trash bins can go a long way in solving the food crises in a small third-world country. New Yorkers use everything to excess. If they use tissues they use enough in one day to keep a paper mill in profits for a year!

New Yorkers are polite if a little distant. The formal office dress is black and white. The occasional splashes of colour on the roads are the bemused Japanese tourists who think that they are in Hawaii. Never become too familiar, and do not try a fake American accent. I found inordinately effusive responses when I turned on my Oxbridge tones. A little bit of superior aloofness gets a very positive response and once made, friends stay with you all the way. The city includes Long Island but for all that proximity, it may as well be as far away as Rawalpindi is from Royapuram!

S. RAMANUJACHARYA

professor1@sify.com