Criticism can't kill!

THE dread of criticism is the death of genius-William Gilmore Simms.

Criticism hurts! However, the absence of criticism in your life wouldonly imply that you are either unapproachable or perfect. Learning to beopen to criticism and using it to overcome your shortcomings will helpyou work on your weak points. Introspection may help to some extent, butnothing can do as much good as real criticism. The difficult part for most of us however is how we handle criticism.There will be times when the criticism is unjust or unwarranted, butmore often than not, there is a certain element of truth in almost allcriticism. It is that nugget that you should seek out.

Recoil or rebuff?

Most of us react negatively to criticism. For instance, what would youdo if someone were to tell you that you are not contributing enough toyour job? You would probably react with a quick retort. Some of us wouldeven think that the other person might be interfering, or evenoverstepping boundaries, or worse still, that he has a strange dislikefor you. Nevertheless, the first thing that you need to do is to review thecriticism objectively. Answer any questions you are asked in a composedand collected manner. Remember to keep your cool at all times. Gettinghot and bothered, or shooting your mouth off to friends and colleagueswill only show your lack of professionalism.

Objectivity, or the lack of it?

When your shields are up and you are on the defensive, reason tends toelude you. At such times, being detached is impossible. Being objectiveis to look at criticism impartially- to put your personal feelings asideand listen to what the person is saying. When you do this, two thingscan happen. First, you will be able to check your negative feelings.Second, you will perform a self- test to see if the criticism applies.The benefit of doing this is that you get to sharpen your ability to bereceptive and flexible, and thereby eliminate your inadequacies.

When to take it lightly?

To derive the maximum benefit from criticism, one must also learn todistinguish between destructive and constructive criticism. Destructivecriticism is abrasive and acidic. It attacks and tears down yourself-esteem and cripples your confidence. One way of differentiatingbetween the two is to ask yourself if the criticism offered carries withit a solution or a way that suggests some improvement. If it doesn't,you can safely brush it aside.

There will also be people in your group who are threatened by yourpresence, or jealous of your accomplishments. Their malice then becomesself-evident when they try to get the better of you by making snideremarks. Unkind criticism can spoil your day if you let it get to you.Therefore it is best to ignore such comments, till such time you canaddress the issue in person, or wait for the right occasion to deal withit. Keeping your emotions under check, and deciding not to brood oversuch remarks can help you tackle negativity.

Offering criticism

Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when youdo criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. -UnknownThere may be times when you too need to voice your opinion. However,while doing this, remember never to make it a personal vendetta.Personal grudges aside, you shouldn't offer criticism just because aperson criticized you first! Do not criticise just to show yourself in abetter light.

There are also times when you should refrain. There is no point intalking to a person who is closed to suggestions. Timing is alsoimportant, see that the person is in a right state of mind beforeoffering any advice, otherwise your words will fall on deaf ears.

In the end, it is good to realise that everyone is made differently.Each person can have his measure of quirks and idiosyncrasies withouthaving to be accountable for everything!

ARCHANA JAYAKAR

archana.hyd@cnkonline.com