Parenting - no mean task

ANURADHA J. SHETTY, St. Andrew's School, Hyderabad

Of the many experiences in life, rearing children can be the most intense, providing not only great joy but also occasional sadness.

Our children - cling to and reject us, adore and barely tolerate us, heal and hurt us.

What we learn from these experiences leaves its mark on both the parent and the child.

The influence of a parent is for life. Today's children are faced with stress, fierce competition and fewer opportunities. They live in a volatile situation.

If being a child is harder today, so is being an effective parent. Hurried lifestyles, the belief that one's job defines one's worth as a person and the demands of work and careers overshadowing family relationships, all take their toll.

The constant complaint parents have is lack of time - there never seems to be enough of it. Yet, parents spending too little time with their children is one of the biggest complaints we hear from children of all ages especially teens. That's because children equate time with love. The other day I came across an article where a child was asked what he wanted to become. He replied "A television." The reason he cited was that this way he could get his parents undivided attention!

It has been estimated that, on an average, parents of children aged between four and 18 years spend less than five minutes each day in meaningful conversations. Conversations such as "Did you finish your homework?", "Did you clean your room?" or "Are you prepared for the test?" cannot be categorised as meaningful. They are mundane.

By listening to our children and being genuinely interested in their talk we can understand them. The answers to the old question of which is of greater value - quality time or quantity time it is neither. It is special bonding time - developing emotionally well balanced children.

What do children really want? - I want my parents to think I am somebody special to them. - I want my parents to be warm and friendly towards me, like they are to people who 'phone or come to the door. - I want to get them to talk about what's important to me and have those views valued.

The most obvious thing about this list is that it focuses on the physical needs of the child. Children want to be noticed regardless of their age. It is necessary for parents to prioritise the choices they have. And that more than anything else is what being an effective parent is all about. It means focussing on what is really important (our children) and handling them right.

Send this article to Friends by E-Mail

Section  : Features
Previous : On the banks of the Tungabhadra
Next     : Websites that make life fun