Taking success and failure in his stride

THERE IS heavy security outside the building and there are reasons for it. Film maker Rakesh Roshan has survived a near- fatal accident and is going to take a long time to recover.

Outside and inside the `Kavita' building, a row of plain clothed men wait carrying cordless phones. My arrival is informed on the intercom and after the protocol screening, I'm finally led upstairs to the third floor.

Rakesh Roshan attired in a turquoise lungi-kurta, surrounded by artefacts is on the phone. ``Kaho Na Pyaar Hai'' has completed 50 days and he is issuing instructions about it to his creative department.

The actor hasn't been attending office ever since the shootout, but his phones and his mind work overtime.

He is planning the next schedule of his long delayed ``Karobar'' and is also monitoring son Hrithik Roshan's career.

Tea arrives and after the preliminary conversations, I come straight to the point.

Honestly, did you expect you would survive the shootout?

Yes, I believe that what God proposes, Man cannot dispose. I was meant to survive that is why I was blessed with the presence of mind to react to the situation the way I did.

Were you aware of the frenzy your hospitalisation created?

Not entirely, but I'm grateful for the support the film industry offered me during my moment of crisis. I wasn't allowed to meet too many people for the doctor felt I could get excited. Only the family members walked in and out of the room. I wasn't given the newspapers, except when I complained. Everytime my family felt I was asking too many questions, they would send the doctor inside who would advise me bed rest.

Your wife said you made a restless patient.

It is because I'm not used to being confined. As it is I'm hyperactive. I hated being confined to a cubicle. It was quite annoying. I wanted to know what was happening outside, whether the case was being followed up and the assailants nabbed.

I was worried for my son's safety and did not want him hanging around at the hospital and most important, if I was going to be in the hospital longer, if I could interact with my story department and get cracking on the new project.

Newspapers reported that you suffered a heart attack.

I did not have a heart attack, but because the bullet had passed my heart, a surgery was essential. During the surgery, it was discovered that two of my arteries were blocked and it was decided to restore the damage.

So now you are as fit as a fiddle?

Absolutely. I've always been health conscious. Post-surgery, it was important for me to rest for a while, but I'll be attending office in a few days and life will be restored to normality.

Can life ever be normal after the traumatic experience you've been through? Do you see anything abnormal in the environment around you?

The security personnel downstairs are doing their duty and my duty is to rise above the situation as calmly as I can. It was a nightmare, I agree and I wouldn't wish it to my worst enemy, but life has to go on. We cannot cling to moments, good or bad.

Have you got over the failure of ``Koyla''?

I had to, though when one is hit by failure, it seems unsurmountable. This is very strange, but as an actor you can rise above the failure of a film closest to your heart. But as a film maker, even when your worst film fails, you feel defeated.

Why is that so?

It's because a film maker, whether he is the producer or the director, takes the success and failure personally. He also has so much more at stake, financially and otherwise. A failure for a film maker is rewinding life by five years whereas as an actor, you can recover your money and image with your next release.

That's an interesting observation.

It is. If you look at all the actors around you, you will notice that they all got into production at the peak of their careers. Sunny Deol, Ajay Devgan, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and now Aamir Khan. Sadly, they do not realise that by doing so, they are buying tension. When they are getting paid as actors, it is more rewarding to concentrate on their performances. They should sleep well and look good. But, by launching their own banners and getting weighed down by the production problems, their stress is apparent in not one, but a row of films. The camera is very sharp.

In that case, why did you get into production when you did?

My case was different. I was never a top star and even then, I avoided turning film maker for a very long period. The temptation was always there. Now when I recall my first few films, let me tell you, it was not at all easy. I was extremely tense. Looking back however, it was all worth it. I started young and learnt the ropes young.

How do you explain making some very successful and some mediocre films?

Even a genius cannot give hits all the time. Yes, there are some films I am not proud of. These things happen. What you shoot reflects your mindframe. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the projects go wrong. Some of them are jinxed from the very beginning.

The reverse is also true say like ``Kaho Na Pyaar Hai...''

Films come with their own destinies. Projects blossom on their own. My son told me a few years ago, that he wanted to be an actor. He worked towards grooming himself systematically without taking either me or his launch for granted. When I watched him from behind the camera, I knew he wasn't overestimating himself.

And how did it feel while watching him on the big screen?

I don't think the experience can be described in words. My wife and I felt a lump in our throat and that's how it has been all these months. His performance in the film and his conduct during the tragedy has done me proud. What more can I ask for as a father? I have a lot to thank God for.

What about Hrithik?

Yesterday, I went to see the film for the first time in a theatre and returned home very emotional. He has done a good job, but he still has a long way to go, a lot to learn. This is just the beginning. There are going to be many surprises, but level-headed that he is, I have faith that he'll take it in his stride.

BHAWANA SOMAAYA

Editor, `g' magazine

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Section  : Entertainment
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