Speed post of emotions

Straight-from-the-heart, Shobha De's latest work "Speedpost" traverses a range of issues involving parents and children. KAUSALYA SANTHANAM talks to the candid writer.

IN the midst of a frenetic lifestyle, "Speedpost" makes us pause. And re-examine our roles as parents and our relationship with our growing children. Especially those of us who are on the giddy roller-coaster ride in the pursuit of success.

Shobha De's latest book may be "mushy" at times. But these letters have the qualities of warmth, caring and sensitivity, helping us see ourselves as our children see us.

De's letters to her six children traverse a range of issues - emotional, behavioural and societal - guiding them to cope with an increasingly stress - filled yet exciting new world. Many of the issues discussed and the conclusions are sensible and relevant to double income urban families today.

Sensible and sensitive too were De's remarks on parenting that preceded the reading of her book at the Welcomgroup Park Sheraton Hotel in the city to the members of the International Women's Association. It showed that beneath the glamorous exterior is an essentially traditional person whose down-to-earth views and values are (to many) reassuringly middle class.

Soon after the emotional reading, she was roped in by the hotel authorities to give a demonstration of her culinary skill. Though she didn't fish for compliments, plenty came her way.

Later, the model turned journalist turned writer kept her promise of a "longish interview" to this correspondent. She glowed with pleasure at the feedback she has got for "Speedpost."

"The response has been overwhelming," she said. "The book has reached out to an entirely new set of readers. I receive letters from Malayalam, Gujarati and Tamil speaking people. I guess its because the women see themselves and their lives reflected in the book."

"Perhaps its the unexpectedness that has appealed," she mused. "Readers now feel I'm one of them, - my children are no different from theirs. Everywhere, parents agonise and worry about their children and for most working women, the feeling of guilt, that perhaps they are not doing enough, is paramount."

Considering the response the straight-from-the-heart book has received, does she wish she had written more such books rather than the "society - celebrity" novels - "Socialite Evenings", "Starry Nights" et al?

She refuted this immediately. "The other books were valid at the time I wrote them. I think the two can co-exist well. The whole spin of those books are being re-examined now. They have been the subject of five doctoral theses. The Professor of Cambridge University, Ms. Rachel Dwyar has examined the phenomena of Yash Chopra's films and my novels in the context of the changing aspirations of the middle-class in India. Apart from this, many academic essays have been written on them - the male characters in these books, the feminist angle and so on. There has been an overreaction to the sexual content of these novels."

How do her children and other family members view them?

"I've had no problems from my dad or husband," said De. "My father at 92 is open-minded enough not to be judgmental. He was very accepting of my right to write it. It was mainly my contemporaries who gave me a negative image. A lot of them did not choose to take their chances; I did. Young people now say they see me as a role model. It's a misconception that I'm a tigress-on-the-prowl. If people judge me because of it, the loss is theirs. As for the glamour, it was a bit of a bore. There was a tendency to slot me. If that made people comfortable, however, that's fine."

As we talked, a group of women at the hotel made their way to our table extending copies of "Speedpost" for her autograph. "This is for my daughter, she's a great fan of yours," gushed one. Another spelled out her son-in-law's name. De smilingly obliged before turning to my question about celebrity status. "If you are in a certain position, you can't pretend you want to be a recluse or you don't enjoy it, "she shrugged "Many writers become reclusive after they become famous. I'm touched that strangers come up to me and tell me their problems. They write long letters as well."

Her family takes it all in its stride. "My children have never known me when I was not famous. In the family, its not given a thought - its not a big deal. As for my husband, I think I'm married to the only truly confident man in India - it's not a confidence that is put on. He's very proud of me and I revel in that."

The idea of writing "Speedpost" grew out of the fact that she loves writing letters. "I have written many over the years to my family - messages, funny notes for birthdays, anniversaries and end-of-the-year notes.

The letters in "Speedpost", however, have been specifically written for the book and are not the original ones to her children. But is there not a narcissist element to them, a I-me- myself quality, an assumption that everyone is interested in her life and family?

"I don't think its narcissist. There is no compulsion for publishers to publish it and secondly, for people to read it. They do so because there is something in these letters which is beyond a personal, maternal view. They are responding to areas of my life they can relate to."

Don't the children see the book as an invasion of their privacy?

"Not at all. They loved it. It has cemented their relationship greatly. If children sense you are sensitive to their sensitivity, then they understand".

Does she see herself as a writer all her life?

"I don't plan. I believe in surprise, in newness." But she evidently believes in practising what she says. She has stopped writing from the first of this year to take a break and take stock. "I turned down a three book offer (not from Penguin), I've put my Penguin book on hold, I've stopped my columns. I want to make my time available to my two sons as they are starting a new phase in their lives," she smiled tossing her hair back in a characteristic gesture.

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