Straight from the heart

AN autobiography lies somewhere between the vagaries of fiction, and the linear chronicling of a life's memories and events. Depending on the teller, it could lean into either of these territories. Penguin has done a great service by creating a series that enables women to tell their life stories, especially those set against the backdrop of stirring political events. No story could have a more stirring or theatrical setting than the life of Fay Afafi Kanafini (Nadia) whose story moves from Beirut, Lebanon, to Haifa and Palestine during the crucial setting up of an Israeli State and, finally, to that refuge of so many persecuted people, the United States of America.

As Kanafini tell us, in her Preface: "Mine is an old story that is as young as the new wars that explode every now and then in this world. It was only yesterday that I heard my own footsteps echoing up and down the staircase of my home in Beirut, where I grew up surrounded by abusive kin, and on the staircase of my home in Haifa, where I was married, bore children, and became a widow with three children in the midst of a vicious war."

Muriel Rukeyser, the poet, once queried: "What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open." Would it really? Is not the world quite indifferent? However, there is no doubt that this kind of frank and courageously told story moves one and gives a deep insight, not only into the nature of the times, but also into the infinite possibilities of the human spirit. Afaf (Nadia) was born in Beirut, Lebanon, on February 21, 1918, just after World War I and at the beginning of the troubles that were to beset the Palestinians, as the formation of the Israeli State led to war and dissension in West Asia.

It was also the time of the collapse of the Ottoman Empire, and the entry into the scene of the French and English. The French had a mandate in Lebanon, while the Balfour Declaration of 1917 placed Palestine (where Afaf moved as a teenage bride and lived until she was made a refugee by the creation of Israel) under British Mandate. As profoundly and painfully as the Partition in India tore people's lives to shreds, this partition too destroyed human lives. The destruction of the social structure caused great upheaval in Afaf's life. Almost instinctively, she moves to a completely inwardly realised feminist position, which does not spring from theory or books or from feminist awareness grounded in Western discourse, but from painfully acquired personal experience. This is a great difference, and makes a powerful story.

Afaf yearned for education to broaden her mental horizons. However, her abusive father, cold, indifferent mother and domineering brothers doomed her dreams. She may have sought to rebel, but she could not dent the firmly entrenched patriarchal and oppressive power structure. Her father and brother are sexual predators, and Afaf has a distant memory of her father abusing her when she was six.

Her rebellious stance and frequent criticism, along with her father's financial exploitativeness, sees her forced into an engagement at 13, and into a most undesired marriage at 17. Her husband has a physical handicap and, worse, is mentally warped. Her in-laws are enlightened and loving (in fact, their love becomes a crippling factor), and she hopes for some support for her dream of education. Earlier, she had sneaked out, and taken some elementary exams. Afaf does her best to avoid sex with her husband, Marwan, for a long time. "I have the right to prevent my husband from violating my body." But, she could not keep him away for ever. She has three sons, but her husband almost seems to hate her having babies.

A brutal system seems to create brutal men. Afaf, however, has an understanding and sympathetic father-in-law. She is also a caring and energetic mother to her three sons, whom she stands by through the upheavals of homelessness and the horrors of war. There is an account of the birth of her second son during the Italo-German bombing of Haifa. Later, Afaf falls in love with Nadim, Marwan's Christian friend. Marwan's insistence on continuing his bank duties in Haifa, after the Palestine Partition and the withdrawal of the British, leads to his being gunned down, leaving Afaf a young widow with three young sons.

Valiantly, Afaf tries to create a home for her children, but the volatile situation makes things impossible. She also resists her love for Nadim, who continues to woo her, partly because she fears she will lose her children. Her father's viciousness makes it impossible to take shelter with her family in Beirut. Instead of leaning on her inlaws, as custom ruled, this remarkable young woman made a heroic bid for financial security and independence. She took courses and found a job in Baghdad. However, the murder of the Ambassador she worked for created another hopeless situation.

It was at this time, with war raging in Lebanon, that Afaf won scholarships to programmes in Lebanon, and then in the U.S. Her young sons were happy to have a home of their own with their unusual mother and learn to accept responsibility. This was a "year of blessings" - for it brought her the love of Fuad Salem, her soul-mate and, later, husband. He was the head of her ministry and they built a home in the mountains of Lebanon, looking forward to a tranquil life together. In a war ravaged country, love is the first casualty. During the 1975-76 war, Fuad was seriously injured, went into a coma, and was paralysed. Afaf struggled on but suffered, perhaps because of all the stress, two serious heart attacks, and had to fly to the U.S. for treatment. Re-united again with Fuad, it is only to be with him as he dies. What a life, and what an account of heroism, honesty and endurance.

She once said: "We must burn a finger to learn how hot fire is." She did more. She walked endless miles on scorched land, and continued to believe in herself and in life. Her first passport to the U.S. had to be signed by her 18-year-old brother.

At one time she reflects about her "home": "The homes I had used during my 34 years were not mine. They were family owned spaces loaned to family constituents, who had the qualifications for such a facility: reside and abide. A simple law, not much different from that applied to domestic hens that were generously stuffed with hormones and fish oil and cooped up in small cells. In return their eggs were securely hatched and their breasts well-rounded."

What a devastating criticism, without a trace of any feminist jargon. It is powerful because it comes straight from the heart of a woman who has fought and endured. Her story is a moving testimony to the power of a woman's will to rise above imprisoning conditions, to achieve a measure of dignity and fulfilment.

ANNA SUJATHA MATHAI

Nadia-Captive of Hope: Memoir of an Arab Woman, Fay Afafi Kanafani, Penguin, Rs. 225.

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