In the land of Nod?

Chennai is a city in which there is no dearth of organisations — social, cultural, professional, NGOs, special interest groups — you name it and there is an outfit for every group. And if organisations and meetings are a routine as are conferences, seminars and workshops, how can they do without speakers? But good speakers, who can hold the interest of the audience, are hard to find. So it's not surprising that instead of informing or educating or even entertaining their listeners, they have quite the opposite effect on them and end up lulling them to sleep.

I have seen chairmen squirming in their seats as their gaze settled on members of the audience, seated just under the nose of the speaker, catching forty winks. Frozen stares, frustrated gestures and all the muted shushes in the world, cannot stir such sleepers but only end up drawing attention to the person in the hot seat.

What compounds the problem is the timing. Most meetings are usually after brunch or lunch or tea. So what happens is that a full stomach, the cool confines of the venue, usually air- conditioned, and dimmed lights if it's an audio visual presentation, make for a sure fire combination — a listener who is guaranteed to nod his head not in agreement but in sleep. Which is why post lunch sessions of seminars are aptly referred to as graveyard sessions.

Just the other day I overheard a conversation between two friends. "I deliberately ate a little less so as to keep awake,"said one.

"You needn't have," said his friend. "You'd have dozed off anyway for the speaker lost his audience in the very first minute.''Attendees, of course, cannot be blamed. They come in anticipating a memorable speech or a knowledgeable exposition that will leave them with a thought or two. Pre-event hype of course adds to the expectations not to forget the organisers' efforts to attract a good crowd (A firebrand speaker is known to have threatened the organisers that he would not speak if there was a crowd of less than 300). But if things go wrong who is to blame? So attendees get wiser and come armed with all the gear necessary to protect them while they snooze.

Dark glasses are indispensable in this regard. They not only keep out UV rays but leave people clueless as to whether you are awake or asleep.

Studying the phenomenon of sleeping audiences I realised that strategic seating confers tremendous advantages. Just like you opt for a seat close to the door if you want to get out half way, finding a seat where you can duck and take refuge behind the person in front of you or choosing corners where distance blurs the view and helps you stay clear of the Chairman's line of vision saves a lot of unnecessary attention.

Mastering the art of drifting off while being seated more or less upright is a skill worth acquiring. Recline, stretch, cock your head comfortably, and support your face with your palms, do anything. Just guard against snoring, which is a dead give away. But falling asleep on your neighbour's shoulder is an absolute `no no'. If you have a built-in timer like some experienced sleepers, there's nothing like it. I have it from the experienced among them that the time to wake up is when you hear the applause. There might be some confusion if there are several rounds of applause but then I was told one can always go back to sleep once again.

Which brings me to a not-so-well-programmed sleeper who fell asleep during the meeting one day and found himself being rudely woken by his enthusiastic friends when his name was announced. Still dazed as he opened his eyes, he headed for the exit thinking the meeting had given over instead of standing up and acknowledging the mention. It took him a few minutes to gather his wits about him but not before there were lighter moments at his expense. Just what are the techniques that bad speakers unwittingly use to have this soporific effect on their listeners? Well, let me save that for another story.

SUDHA UMASHANKER

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