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Off with dowry

OFTEN LEGISLATION WITHOUT social sanction is ineffective, even meaningless. Dowry is a classic example. Despite a tough law against it, women continue to be battered, brutalised and burnt. What is more, the number of dowry deaths has risen from about 2,500 a decade ago to 7,000. It clearly reveals a disturbing trend, and who knows, how many more cases of such humiliation, harassment and homicide go unreported in a community which is obsessed with marriage as it is with dowry. It is in this context that the courage of the two tormented women — one in New Delhi and the other in Chennai — in saying 'no' at the altar gains importance. Driven to despair by the grooms' families insisting on "excessive" dowries, the brides turned around and walked away. Yet, one does not fail to notice that it was not the dowry by itself that forced the hard decision, but the fact that it was demanded, and that too a lot more than what had been agreed to. A social hypocrisy, to say the least.

Unfortunately, dowry enjoys a kind of sanctity difficult to explain in logical terms. Why would a woman who may be educated and holding a plum job want her parents to give her a dowry? Would that not reduce her status to something horrible, and the marriage to a form of barter? Yes, indeed, it would, but the choice is between a dowry-driven existence, where a woman may lose her very self-esteem, and a matrimonial life with little respect and a lot more shame. Sadly, India's refusing-to-die patriarchal system thrives not only by subjugating women, but also equating their dignity and honour with wealth. If a bride were to bring along goodies, she gets attention, even admiration, in a household bent on bettering its economic prospects through marriage vows. Obviously, a woman herself becomes a party to this evil, seduced as she is into believing that a dowry will fetch her joy and peace. What can be seen as an extension of this line of thinking is a woman's perception of what she considers to be her right: a share of her parents' property paid in the form of dowry. That it does not always remain under her control or for her benefit is another issue, but India's spreading consumerist culture has certainly blurred the ramifications of dowry.

So, probably the best way to address the problem of dowry is to tackle unrestrained greed at one level, and at another, patriarchy. Equal opportunities at home and at work between the sexes may lead to a greater understanding of a woman's rights, a deeper sense of compatibility and, above all, to a more dignified life for her. Many personal laws allow her equal inheritance — except in some cases — but often parents tend to give more to a son in the hope that he will take care of them in their twilight years, a belief that perhaps pushes some couples to abort the female foetus. Also, this is one way of keeping alive the patrilineal system. While no easy answers to a malaise such as dowry can be found, especially now that it is so rooted in the psyche of an average Indian, what can make a difference is a resolve to fight it at two stages. One, matrimony need not be a compelling goal for a woman, and one must understand that without this sense of compulsion, dowry may well lose a bit of sheen. Two, it is a truly egalitarian society which places a woman and a man on the same pedestal that can hope to burn out dowry.

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