Cast: Nobodies with names like Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Daniella Alonso…
Director: Martin Weisz
Storyline: A bunch of soldiers die one by one.
Bottomline: These bad actors deserved to die.
The thing about an immensely forgettable film is that your memory fails you every passing moment as soon as you’ve left the hall. To his credit, the director compensates by giving you a storyline that’s impossible to forget. A bunch of soldiers all die one by one. This marathon of bad acting is flagged off by a Training-Day Denzel Washington Wannabe, a possible second-grade school play reject, who plays the no-nonsense Sarge, screaming the corniest orders in pr
edictable Black American slang.
In a landscape so barren and dry of any talent whatsoever, the mutants emerge to be the best ‘actors.’ Yes, ‘actors’ because they do the right thing – they kill this bunch of bad actors one by one. So purely on the basis of acting talent, it is easy to guess who would die next.
Watchable face
When there’s just one watchable face in the pack, the quintessential blonde, you know she would hang around till the very end.
There’s a scene right at the beginning that warns you of what to expect. A cadet goes to empty his bowels when a mutated hand shoots out of the potty. Holy four-letter word… Exactly!
That kind of failed because the girls were too grossed out to even look and the guys, veterans of the Grindhouse that they are, have seen better stuff.
The film, thereon, just played out as a long bland ordeal where you had to wait for them to be done, one by one. The only thing left to
see was how, and in which order. But since you knew they would save
the pretty young thing for the end, even that wasn’t so nail-biting.
If you were among the kind fans of the original, you would wish upon the makers a death at the hands of the mutants. But since the mutants here just looked like a bunch of deformed retards with no essential powers like the ability to snatch one’s intestines through the throat or grind the writers into a fine pulp, you are out of options. So now, they are at it again. The end was the beginning of all horror actually – a set-up to yet another sequel. Be scared, very scared.
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