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Literary Review
Bad writing
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Does Among the Chatterati mark `the arrival of a spunky, intelligent and tremendously entertaining voice in Indian fiction', as the blurb claims? KESHAV DESIRAJU, battered, bruised and faith shaken, doesn't think so.
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I HAVE always thought of the Literary page editor of The Hindu as a kindly woman, and my faith did not falter even when I found she only sent me Indian writers in English. The Indian writers in question were distinctly B-grade, and that too I took bravely; but this latest offering amounts to persecution.
Penguin India's blurb writer says Among the Chatterati "marks the arrival of a spunky, intelligent and tremendously entertaining voice in Indian fiction." Be absolutely sure that it does nothing of the sort. The question is not What is Page Three? Or Why has Page Three become a cult? Or Does India Need a Page Three? Leave those questions to armchair sociologists and Star TV. The issue here is Kanika Gahlaut's book. Is this a decent read? As fiction, does it pass? This is where one needs to protest loudly.
This is lousy writing, and do not let anyone kid you that it is supposed to be lousy writing, because Page Three writing, by definition, is lousy, and that therefore Gahlaut has got into the skin of her protagonist, by writing a diary as her protagonist would write it. This will not wash. Apart from anything else, Gahlaut is a newspaper columnist, and getting into one's own skin is probably not a problem for most except the most hardened of Page Three groupies. The point is simply that she writes badly; and clearly the diary format should not be so misused by the grammatically challenged.
It is also amazing that Gahlaut should have so comprehensively lifted the format and style, and the same plot structure from Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones novels. Fielding's was a fresh, and totally contemporary English voice. Her writing is light and airy, entirely in tune with her character and setting. Endearing as Bridget was, her time came and went, and the Renee Zellweiger film has assured her a modest place in the galaxy of 21st Century images. Her clones, and there were 11 at the last count, have all been laid to rest. None but the most foolhardy would attempt to replace Knightsbridge with South Extension. But this is exactly what Gahlaut has done. And it doesn't end here. Bridget's world was that of publishing, which ensured that the characters were at least literate; Aby's is the world of fashion and bright lights; by the nature of the beast this does not make for literary originality or sparkle.
Despite the pathetic imitation, there is though, one amusing departure from the original. Bridget, dear, vulnerable Bridget, begins every diary entry with a record of the previous 24 hours, in terms of number of cigarettes smoked, ounces of alcohol drunk and number of calories eaten. Also, a neat summary of her sex life. Consider a sample: "Number of boyfriends: One (hooray!)". Kanika Gahlaut's Aby, as only befits a chaste South Delhi Punjabi, cannot bring herself to admit to more than a few lustful thoughts.
A word of advice to Penguin India. They had better sack their literary editor and start searching for some libel lawyers. If some Delhi worthies are named and trashed by Gahlaut, several others are thinly disguised and similarly treated. Though, frankly, it is not at all clear that anyone will bother.
And just in case you wanted to bone up on Page Three, here is a quick guide. Page Three men are garishly wealthy, probably gay, and stupid. Page Three women are garish, looking for company, and stupid. Take your pick.
Among the Chatterati: The Diary of a Page-Three Hack, Kanika Gahlaut, Penguin India, 2002, Rs. 200.
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