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Negotiating tactics
HILKA KLINKENBERG
Dear Hilka,
Thank you for the tips on handling negative negotiating ploys last month. How would you suggest negotiations should be handled in place of these "dirty tricks" tactics, as you call them?
Tough as Nails Negotiator
Dear Tough as Nails,
MUCH has been written over the years about win-win negotiating. While the concept is worthwhile, it doesn't always work. There are times one side has to lose while the other wins. However, that does not mean one has to resort to negative tactics to win or to "get even". Business negotiations are rarely a one-time event. In business, two sides often have to negotiate with one another on a regular basis. Therefore, it becomes important to preserve a level of civility to preserve that relationship. Adherence to basic etiquette and civility in negotiating can help a great deal since etiquette does grease the wheels of a civil society.
Minding one's manners is not synonymous with playing doormat and having people walk all over you. You can be strong in your negotiating position and still be courteous and fair. Most important is to treat the other side with respect even when their behaviour makes it difficult for you to treat them that way. This involves basic courtesies like greeting people upon arrival. It is also considerate to maintain the level of formality or informality set by the meeting chairperson. Respect includes being considerate of another person's time. Arrive punctually for the meeting and make sure that there are no unnecessary interruptions. Come prepared with any documentation that is required so the meeting doesn't have to be delayed or rescheduled because of your negligence. And, don't keep rehashing moot points; it only wastes everyone's time and adds to the level of tension and irritation. Being courteous and civil is not synonymous with being liked and building a friendship with the other side. While the likeability factor can play a role in negotiations, giving you a better chance of achieving your goals if the opposing side likes you, you shouldn't let that get in the way of the negotiating process and the issues to be resolved. Being liked should not be your primary goal.
Work on your communication skills. Remember that a mind is like a parachute; it must be open to be effective. Listen actively and keep an open mind rather than deal from a position of entrenched antagonism. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that require more than a "yes" or a "no" in reply, rather than issue pronouncements. Closed questions, requiring only a "yes" or "no" tend to defeat problem solving because they are very one-sided in their approach. Be careful of questions beginning with "why", though, because they can be perceived as confrontational. Invite discussion, and be open to correction and persuasion. Openers like "Please correct me if I'm wrong..." or "Help me to understand..." are much more likely to spur the negotiating process and give you valuable information than some pronouncement from your position platform. It is also helpful to paraphrase your opponent's statements. Assuming you understood what was meant without paraphrasing can lead to a morass of misunderstanding that can only escalate any conflict during negotiations. Analyse and improve upon ideas from the opposition's point of view. You are much more likely to get "buy-in" from them if you build on their ideas rather than insisting on yours. Ask their advice, if necessary, to stimulate the discussion. If you feel that the negotiation is becoming too one-sided or disadvantageous to you, suggest that they look at it from another perspective rather than insist that their opinions and positions are wrong.
This type of negotiation brainstorming makes the other side feel valued, that their thoughts and needs are important and being considered, too. A mutually satisfactory solution is much more likely to result from this type of dialogue. When in doubt, whether about the point of discussion or your response, use silence. No one can fault you for what you haven't said.
Silence makes most people very uncomfortable, though, so be careful not to alienate your opponent in other ways. Just remember, that prolonged silence can also make you feel uncomfortable. However, he who speaks first loses. The other side may try to upset you to gain the controlling edge. Avoid responding to them in kind and attacking them to put them on the defensive. Focus on cooperating rather than agitating. Don't browbeat, denigrate, insult or threaten the opposing team. Such behaviour only damages relationships. Deflect rather than respond to personal attacks and keep your emotions in check. If you get really angry and upset, don't start shouting and threatening because the person who loses his temper loses the argument. Instead, lower your voice and go as quiet as possible to make your point. A suddenly soft voice is much more effective in gaining everyone's attention than a fit of ranting and raving. And, a soft voice is much more likely to underscore the seriousness of your words.
For all your efforts to arrive at a win-win solution or to remain civil, there are times when you have no alternative but to exit gracefully. When the other side is dishonest, lying, or cheating or when a problem is impossible to resolve, no amount of negotiation will do you any good. Accept that you have come to an impasse or that you agree to disagree, and bid a courteous adieu.
E-mail: hilka_hindu@yahoo.com
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