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Magazine
Let the fun begin!
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CHRISTINE CLIFFORD is bold enough to claim that cancer does have its privileges, and offers a new take on life, illness as well as a powerful dose of the `best medicine' for anyone who's been affected by the disease. Exclusive extracts from her new book.
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A person with a sense of humour doesn't make jokes out of life, they merely recognize the ones that are there.
Author unknown
"Last week I was in my oncologist's office waiting room. There were two elderly gentlemen waiting to sign in at the desk where the receptionist sits behind a glass window. Before the first man could sign in, the receptionist (who is rather abrupt) says, `Which doctor?' (asking which doctor he would be seeing that day since there are multiple doctors in their practice). The first little man's response was ... `Witch doctor?!!' It was so funny that the little man behind him with a hat on started laughing. I was all the way across the room and started laughing when I heard it. My husband wanted to know what I was laughing at. I told him and he started laughing. No one else in the whole waiting room knew what we were laughing at except us and the little old men. It may not be as funny to you as it was to us, but my hubby and I laughed about it all morning."
Kelly Smith, N. Richland Hills, Texas
IT'S a strange phenomenon what happens to people when they hear that a friend or loved one has cancer. Most people don't know what to say. They don't want to say the wrong thing, so they often end up saying nothing. A cycle of avoidance and denial only deepens the loneliness and isolation the cancer patient feels.
I found humor to be a great connector of people. After my mother's situation, I did not want to face this disease alone. I quickly found that if I could use humor to put people at ease and allow them to feel more comfortable with my diagnosis that they interpreted my humor as "having a positive attitude" and low and behold — they wanted to surround me with support.
The timing of using humor is different for every person. There does come a time for most cancer patients, however, when they realize that they cannot change their situation so they might as well make the most of it. Friends and family, often more upset than the patient at this point, certainly cannot imagine that humor might be appropriate. It is at this point in time that cancer can often bring out the very best in people...
I befriended a gentleman named Bill who was going through chemotherapy at the same time as me. "Captains of Chrome," we used to call ourselves as we checked our reflections in each other's shiny, bald heads.
One day, Bill came rushing up to me, all excited as if he would burst. "Christine, do you notice anything different about me?" he implored. He seemed so determined, I took my time and looked him up and down, and round and round. I shook my head in confusion. "I'm sorry, Bill. I really don't notice anything different."
"I parted my hair on the other side!"
Then there was the day I was going in for my daily radiation therapy, and an elderly gentleman was shuffling out. As we passed each other, I realized that his zipper was down and decided to offer him a courtesy.
"Excuse me, sir," I began, "I just thought I'd let you know, your fly is open."
He looked down... he looked up at me and said, "Honey, what can't get up, can't get out!" I figured if he could laugh at his situation, so could I!
I soon found I was not alone in my search for humor and discovered by viewing the humbling and humiliating things that were going on in my life in an offbeat and whimsical perspective, the unbearable became bearable...
"I learned that I couldn't rely on my memory, which is a side effect of chemo. During a conversation, I would ask many times if I was repeating myself because I couldn't remember if I had said my thought out loud. I never got lost or couldn't find my way home, thank goodness. But one night, as I put dinner in the oven, I had to re-open the oven to see what I was cooking for dinner. I was very relieved to find chicken, and not the kitchen sponge."
Kris Silverman, Glendora, California
"During one of my sister Toni's inpatient stays for treatment of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, we learned that even the best medical treatment couldn't prevent the highballs of drugs from causing temporary deafness. We had to scream to include her in conversation. Needless to say, we quit conversing. It was a very quiet, depressing day in the hospital. Until Amy showed up.
"Amy is my mom's best friend. A laugh a minute when she's trying. Even when she's not.
"Mom and Amy decided they'd head downstairs, which was the covert language for `I need a smoke.' Amy jumped up from her chair and followed Mom out of the room. Within seconds, the emergency staff descended upon us. They raced into the room with life resuscitating equipment. They found Toni, her husband, Jeff, and me staring at them in alarm. As we tried to figure out what happened, more staff piled in behind. All the while Toni was screaming, `What's going on?' She couldn't hear a darn thing. Apparently, when Amy jumped up from her chair, it slid backward, rocking against the emergency call button.
"`What,' Amy wanted to know after they returned. Just seeing her sent us into convulsions of laughter."
Dawn Chicilo, North Oaks, Minnesota
"Here's a true story for you: A patient came into radiation therapy, walked up to the front desk and said, `I'm ready for my autopsy, I mean biopsy! Keep laughing!"
Vickie Hilliard, Northwest Arkansas Radiation Therapy Institute Springdale, Arkansas
* * *
"When I was undergoing chemotherapy for colon cancer, I had terrible problems with nausea. After the first anti-nausea medication failed, I contacted my oncologist who called in an order for Compazine. Since I felt too ill to leave the house, a family member went to pick up the medication. Before taking the pills, I read the instructions, which stated, `Put the pill in the refrigerator for 15 minutes to make sure the pill is sturdy enough.'
`I did find the instructions very puzzling. Just before I swallowed the pill, I asked my wife about the instructions and she said to me, `Oh my gosh, didn't you know that pill is a suppository?'
"A few minutes after I inserted the pill, the phone rang. It was a very cheerful phone solicitor who asked me to do a consumer satisfaction survey. My mind was still a bit `spaced' from the chemo, so I said to her, `I can't now, I have a cold pill in my... a — `Just before I said exactly where the pill was, my wife grabbed the phone and told the person to call later. Since that time, I was told never to answer the phone right after a chemo treatment!"
Edward Leigh, M.A. Cleveland, Ohio
* * *
"In 1993, I was fitted for a wig by a stylist who specialized in wigs for cancer patients. When I went to pick it up after it had received a perm and styling, the stylist said, `I'm sorry, but we have melted your wig.' They had accidentally set the temperature too high and had melted the synthetic wig. It was a plastic puddle of champagne and brown colors in the little oven they used to prepare wings. They did find and fix another wig for me — without melting it a second time."
Norma Jean Kuhlenschmidt, Selersburg, Indiana
* * *
I have always been a big golf fan. In fact, I have been to twenty-three straight U.S. Opens. At one point during my cancer treatments, my husband, John, and I decided to get away from the cold Minnesota winter and took a trip to Scottdale, Arizona. There was a Senior PGA Tour event called The Tradition being played, and that seemed like just the ticket to lift my spirits.
The first day of the tournament brought out a huge gallery. It was a beautiful day, and I was in heaven. I was standing just off the third tee, behind the fairway ropes, watching my three favorite golfers in the world approach the tee box: Jack Nicklaus, Raymond Floyd and Tom Weiskopf.
Just as they arrived at the tee, the unimaginable happened. A huge gust of wind came up from out of nowhere and blew my hat and hair right off my head and into the middle of the fairway! The thousands of spectators lining the fairway fell into an awkward silence, all eyes on me. Even my golf idols were watching me, as my hair was in their flight path. I was mortified! Embarrassed as I was, I knew I couldn't just stand there. Someone had to do something to get things moving again.
So I took a deep breath, went under the ropes and out into the middle of the fairway. I grabbed my hat and hair, nestled them back on my head as best I could. Then I turned to the golfers and loudly announced, "Gentlemen, the wind is blowing from left to right." They say the laughter could be heard all the way to the nineteenth hole.
Humour surrounds us, and it is simply our ability to look at life with an offbeat and whimsical perspective that gets us through life's adversities.
Cancer Has Its Privileges — Stories of Hope and Laughter, Christine Clifford, printed and published by EastWest Books (Madras) Pvt. Ltd., p.158, Rs. 250.
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