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Name of the game
HILKA KLINKENBURG
Dear Hilka:
What do you do if you forget a name?
Forget-me-not
Dear forget-me-not:
Forgetting someone's name is a common mental slip-up, especially with the high-pressured lives we all lead. If only the two of you are in conversation and you cannot remember the person's name, don't fret. You can most probably carry on a perfectly acceptable conversation without ever having to say the person's name.
There are several memory tricks that you can also try to avoid the problem in future. One is to say the person's name in conversation several times when you first meet, and always look at the person when you do say the name so that you get a visual and an aural connection. Be careful not to overdo it, though, or your ploy becomes obvious. Another memory trick is to think of a word association for the person's name. That can backfire, though, if you then refer to the person by the word association rather than the name. If you are at a business function, you could also ask for their business card `to update your records'.
Forgetting someone's name becomes an issue when several people are involved and you find yourself having to make an introduction. The worst thing you can do is not to make the introduction and hope that the others will step in and introduce themselves. They usually don't. Instead, they wonder why you aren't introducing them, and they often ascribe a variety of nefarious reasons to your lack of manners. No matter what, make the introduction.
Ah, but the name... Don't get flustered, and don't say, "I forgot" because that implies the person wasn't remembering. Instead, say something like, "I'm sorry, my mind has just gone blank," or "Your name is on the tip of my tongue. Please help me out." It's surprising how well people respond to that "Please help me," because almost everyone has been in that same position.
Another alternative is to ask, "Have you two met?" because that will often prompt them to introduce themselves. I find that if I remember something else about the person, I can sometimes buy a little time and jog my memory by giving some information about the person. For example, you might say, "Charlie, I'd like you to meet the man who turned me onto that XYZ stock," or "Mary, I'd like to introduce my newest client." Just remember to make the introduction, and to make it correctly.
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Dear Hilka,
When asking a person's name if you can not understand what they are saying due to their accent, how do you pursue it? Sometimes they have a foreign name that just doesn't roll off our tongue. Do you keep asking them to repeat it until you get it? And, is there a point when you should give up? I have had this problem with a few people in both social and business settings.
Unaccented
Dear Unaccented,
Dale Carnegie once said, "Remember that a man's name is, to him, the sweetest and most important sound in any language." If someone has a heavy accent, and you don't catch the name, apologise and ask them to repeat it... several times, if necessary. Explain that it is important to you to try to get the proper pronunciation of their name. They usually appreciate the effort on your part. Just remember to listen carefully when they do repeat the name.
Do not comment on how difficult or strange the name is. Instead, apologise for your less-than-agile tongue or for your ill-tuned ear. Nor should you shrug off even trying to attempt the difficult pronunciation because the message you send is that they're not worth making the effort for. Whenever you imply someone is not worth every effort on your part, they usually take their business elsewhere.
Much success,
Website: www.etiquetteintl.com
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