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Battling the odds, bravely
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For most women it is an agonising battle to break free from marriages in which they have only suffered indignity, ill treatment and abuse. Their attempts to seek justice are often rendered futile by judicial delays and harrowing courtroom wrangles, writes GEETA PADMANABHAN.
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OUTSIDE, CRACKERS explode and sweets are distributed. A woman has won a major battle for political survival. For the 50 odd women in the packed family courtroom, jubilation has a long wait ahead. Far from the glamour of flashbulbs, they are fighting to end a life of indignity, violence, ill treatment and betrayal. They want maintenance, custody of children, their jewellery, an end to harassment, and a clean break from the hell their marriage has been. They want their sense of self-worth back. And soon.
In a society where every second household hides a story of woman abuse the comprehensive Protection from Domestic Violence Bill 2001 to be piloted in Parliament hasn't come a minute too soon. Complementing similar laws it recognises that abuse can be physical, mental, emotional or economic and can be inflicted by those related by blood, marriage or adoption or the co-habitant. It empowers courts to appoint protection officers/institutions to settle disputes amicably or assist spouses to file a suit if warranted.
It gives the woman the right to live in her marital home even after she initiates action (100 per cent of abused women are thrown out) to prevent translocation of children and for her own comfort and safety. ( TV serials, note!) Special workers and counsellors identified by the State governments will ensure that the protection orders are implemented.
``There should be compulsory psychological counselling for violent men,'' suggests Sheila Jayaprakash, High Court lawyer, who contributed to its formulation. ``Maintenance settlement should come with a time frame. A safety net should be in place to finance her legal action. Also the same yardstick should be used to define `violence' to both spouses."
Clearly the battered women at the court are in need of all that. Young mothers sit on the floor feeding children. Educated, well-dressed women with grim, pain-filled faces stand their turn. An open counselling session is in progress. Being subjected to this is a harrowing extension of the humiliation from which they seek relief.
Only extreme anguish would bring a woman here.
Domestic violence cuts across age, class, community and educational level. Vimla, 61, put up with physical abuse from her husband for nearly 25 years (Sumati lived on tranquillisers) so she could educate and marry off her two children. The children were her buffers and the minute they left home she filed for divorce.
The distress of the women is compounded by the delay in judgment. Judges are not always available, the husband goes absconding and agreements are hard to reach. With 2,500 cases annually, most of them messy divorces; a resolution may take up to 10 years. Even when the court awards maintenance, there is no guarantee the man will pay. There seems to be no effective enforcing authority. Nina's is only one of hundreds of such cases.
When her husband stopped paying household bills, Nina checked and discovered his affair with a much younger woman. His pack of lies fooled no one and he told Nina and their 15-year-old daughter, ``My life and my money are my business.'' Nina protested, insisted that he meet the daughter's expenses. Egged on by a sister (a social worker), who holds that such affairs are normal among men in high-paid jobs, he began to beat her. His family told Nina to run the house with her earnings from tuitions. She objected.
Her marriage of 20 years ended when she and the daughter were thrown out of the house without even the customary suitcase. This was six years ago. Through impersonation and forgery the conniving husband and the paramour cashed her dividend warrants, sold her shares and closed all her accounts. Her jewellery and silver went the same way. Left penniless in a one-room apartment, she filed her suit. The court-ordered maintenance was not paid for a year and she went for permanent settlement. She asked for a share of his ancestral home to educate the girl. He refused but the court fixed an amount in 1998.
After innumerable trips to the family court in between tuitions, health problems and depression, Nina has not received a penny from her husband. What is he doing? Apparently he has let out his house and leads a life of his choice. ``Why can't the court auction the house and pay me?'' asks Nina. ``I don't have a regular income. How many times do I bribe the bailiffs when my husband refuses to appear in court?"
Malathi has been wearing the court corridors down for eight years. She walked out of her own house with her four-year-old son and worries about his future. ``My troubles with my doctor husband are too personal to narrate,'' she says. ``I quit my job at his insistence. The court has penalised me for going back to work. But what do I do when the court passes orders and he doesn't pay? Does the child stop growing? Doesn't he owe his son anything?"
With a six-figure monthly income the doctor took four years to leave the house, married once the divorce came through and lives happily ever after. ``He doesn't cough up because it will make my work easier.'' She looks teary-eyed at the women sitting on the floor. ``I have to win. At least for these hapless sisters."
More women. More heart-wrenching stories. Young Sulekha's watchman husband (12 years older) wants her to sign a paper apologising for wayward behaviour, cheating and lying and promise to be obedient to her mother-in-law and husband. Rekha is a player in this courtroom drama because her U.S.-based husband refused to consummate the marriage. Two years are gone and she confides, ``Let the wedding expenses go. I want my jewellery and a settlement so I can marry again.''
``My priest husband is a philanderer,'' weeps Sabina whose education did not go beyond Std. IV. Holding her daughter she asks, ``What if I get AIDS? All I want is `jeevanamsam'.
Brilliant lawyer Lakshmi's marriage to her journalist husband soured for predictable reasons. ``He is jealous of me,'' Lakshmi asserts. They fell in love over common ideologies, which sadly couldn't be extended to their home. ``I tried to counsel him and we adopted a child when he had problems. He was on drugs and has had psychiatric treatment. For years I tolerated his temper tantrums. He shouted to make me withdraw, go inert and toe his line. I cracked up, fainted with brain tissue damage. The final straw came when he abused my elderly, sick parents who came to stay with me."
The writer has filed a counter claim questioning Lakshmi's mental health and her morality. ``Linking me to my male colleagues is his last weapon,'' she says. ``He is jittery and I will win the case.'' The case has gone on for four years and Lakshmi frets about her career.
The long haul at the court is more unkind to women than to men. ``My youth is gone,'' argues Malathi. ``Why do I waste my energy here when I have done nothing wrong?'' They find mental torture/verbal abuse harder to bear. The unkindest cut of all is the words, ``She is mentally deranged and can no longer satisfy my needs'' or ``She doesn't want me, then why ask for my money?''
How does a woman handle abuse at home? Sheila advocates ``zero tolerance'' to physical abuse. ``Come out and holler the first time you are hit. Let everyone know he is a woman beater. Or he will apologise, be normal for a while and hit again. The cycle gets shorter and the blows heavier.''
Manjula Ramesh, Editor of Mangayar Malar, advises caution. "Before you shout think of the consequences,'' she warns. ``Think calmly when you are in control. If life at home is thorny outside is no bed of roses. Once you take a decision be ready to stand by it. Else be patient."
Men by now must be poisoning the tips of their arrows ready to shoot. But a woman's conditioning and children make her vulnerable. She puts up with abuse for long years before she chooses to break free. How about its impact on children? And how is she compensated for the work at home and the share in household expenses? Abusing a woman is not justifiable.
(Names of victims have been changed to protect identity)
(To be continued... )
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