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The power of money
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Money is an important part of our lives. But if too much importance is given to what one earns, then it can lead to a lot of unhappiness...
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I ALWAYS feel young at heart despite my age. The reason is I am a teacher and come in contact with young minds, whose joy is infectious. They share their secrets with me and are my inspiration.
I teach at a college where I meet many students, though I do not remember all their names. They help me a lot and do their best for me. It makes me very happy to meet and talk to my old students. No wonder, old wine, old memories and old students are precious and rare.
About a decade ago, I used to teach Computer Science to post-graduate students. Among them were Ashok and Anitha, whom I liked a lot. They were very sincere and hardworking. After their graduation, they met me to ask for my opinion on taking up teaching as a career.
"Take up teaching only if you have a passion for it. Today, in the software industry, you can get a good job with high salaries. But a teaching job may not fetch you that kind of salary. However, the satisfaction you get out of teaching cannot be compared with money. If you do not like teaching and take it up, it will be the most dangerous decision. For if a teacher makes a mistake, the future of an entire class will be affected."
Anitha and Ashok opted for teaching. Soon, they were married and had a baby girl. They lived in a rented house with Ashok's widowed mother. Their life was, by and large, filled with happiness and laughter.
Though Anitha and I were colleagues, we rarely met. One day, I bumped into her. She looked worried and unhappy. "Madam, the owner of our house wants the house back. I fell it is better to own a house. My daughter goes to a play home. I cannot drop her off because of the timing. My mother-in-law is aged and has got arthritis. We require a maid to help her. There are so many financial demands."
I understood her problem and nodded. After all, I too had gone through the all that during my youth.
She continued, "I have decided to take up a job in a software company, which will pay me more. Ashok says he is very happy with teaching, whereas one has to have a job that will fetch more money. How does it matter who takes up the job? There is no difference between Ashok and me. Ashok is very supportive and understanding and my mother-in-law is a great lady. So I have started applying for the job. Can I give your name as a reference?"
She was logical and practical. I agreed to allow her to use my name as a reference. She got a job and called me up to thank me.
After three years, there was an e-mail from her inviting me to her house warming ceremony. I attended the function. It was a compact three-bedroom house with all modern amenities. Anita was looking very confident and happy. She told me, "Madam, this is the result of my hard work. I saved every single rupee for this house."
"How is your job?"
"It is great. Very demanding, but I enjoy it. I have become a group leader. The company had sent me to the U.S. twice."
"How do you manage all these things with your child?"
"My mother-in-law with the help of the maid, takes care of my daughter. Of course, Ashok is there to supervise."
After some time, I saw her in car with her daughter and a well-dressed maid. Anita was happy to meet me but I was surprised to see her. She looked different. She wore diamond earrings, an expensive sari and make up. Anitha was excited. "Madam, I got the Employee Stock Option Shares (ESOP) from my company. I bought the car by encashing part of it. I took my family on a holiday to Singapore. I have told Ashok to come with me to U.S. in my next trip along with the child. Anyway, the company pays for the trip. Is it not great, madam?"
Yes, It was great. But something was missing.
"How is Ashok?"
In an unhappy tone, she said, "He is still teaching. Recently he got a promotion. A small hike of Rs. 500. You should tell Ashok that he is wasting his time at the college. He can get a better job than mine. But, he does not listen to me."
"Anita, each one knows what he wants... "
She was unhappy with my answer and we parted ways.
Later, I happened to meet Ashok at a teachers' workshop. "Sorry to saddle you with my personal problems. But you are the only person whom Anitha and I know fairly well. Your advice, your opinion matters a lot to me."
"Did Anitha ask you to talk to me?" I asked, recalling my earlier meeting with Anitha.
"No. I am extremely unhappy in my marriage. Many a time, I feel like separating from her."
"Ashok, don't be silly. There is always a difference of opinion between couples, specially when they are young." I wanted to ease the tension. Ashok said, "No, madam. Anitha now feels she is in a better position and looks down upon others. It is always "I bought the house" or "I purchased a car". She feels she can buy everything with money, which she has earned by selling shares. The ESOP, no doubt, is a boon to employees. But it is bringing unhappiness to the family. Anitha doesn't respect my old mother like before. After all, my mother can be replaced by an efficient maid. She feels what I earn for the entire year she can earn it by selling a few shares. She keeps telling me that she is better than me. I cannot live with a wife with that attitude."
"But Ashok, suppose if you were to be in her position, then wouldn't there be any problem? Can't you accept the fact that your wife is earning more than you? May be it is hurting your ego."
Ashok thought for a while and replied, "To some extent you may be right. But if the roles had been reversed and if I kept stressing that it was `my money', then she would have felt bad. Between husband and wife, there should not be such differences. One should not respect the other just because one earns more. But what it hurts me is that she rejects my support. Money should come slowly over a period of time. Whether it is a man or woman, earning more money in a short time is as bad as excess liquor."
I did not have any answer. I was lost in thought, on the power of money. Money is like a double-edged sword, which can be used to cut a fruit and also kill a person. It is important to earn money but how you handle is more important. If Anita was mature enough, she would have thanked the people around her and added the word `we' instead of `I'. Or may be it is my opinion.
I really do not know how money is affecting the lives of the younger generation and taking its toll on their happiness.
(The author is Chairperson, Infosys Foundation. This is the fourth article of a five-part series).
SUDHA MURTHY
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