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Horrors of child abuse
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Lois Englebrecht, crusader against child sexual abuse, discusses the issue candidly, during a recent visit to Chennai
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"CHILD ABUSE is not an individual issue but a community one,'' says Lois Englebrecht of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, founder of the Centre for Prevention and Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse. Creating awareness, writing the curriculum for schools, equipping parents, teachers, children and social workers with skills on how to handle the problem... all these have been part of her crusade against child abuse.
Tamil Nadu-born Englebrecht, who holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from the University of Washington, Seattle, recently conducted a workshop at the American International School (AIS) in Chennai. Teachers from other schools also participated. The programme was organised by the AIS in line with the work being done in the curriculum relating to personal safety of children and "to ensure policies are in place before a problem arises." Excerpts from an interview:
Is there an accepted definition for sexual abuse of children?
Very simply, sexual abuse is of one person who is more powerful, using a more vulnerable person for sexual gratification. It can take all sorts of forms verbal, visual, tactile, exhibitionism, pornography, fondling... anything that sexually stimulates.
Who are the perpetrators?
The perpetrators are mostly people in a position of trust. Only about 10 per cent are strangers. About 50 per cent belong to the family. Since sexual abuse is about a relationship, you have to build the relationship to have access to children. This is why the victim usually knows the offender.
Is there, therefore, a certain element of confusion in the child's mind?
There is always confusion in the child's mind. The child might like the person but not the relationship. Sometimes, the child enjoys the relationship but it is told to keep it a secret. Sometimes children like to be touched but they do not like the person. So there is always confusion.
Are girls more vulnerable than boys?
No. It is equal. Perhaps there are more male victims than female because we protect our girls but not our boys. Also, boys tend not to report such incidents because of the fear of being labelled homosexual.
When the abused is a boy, is the offender a man?
Most offenders are men though women too are guilty. What about the damage?
There can be permanent physical damage. But more often than not, the damage is more on the emotional level. The victim has trouble with his relationships and experiences a constant feeling of shame and worthlessness. The extent of damage depends on many factors... when the abuse occurred, by whom, family support, mental health and age of the child.
Have there been incidents of sexual abuse, which have been openly reported?
Most people never talk of it out of fear. I did not tell anyone what happened to me until I was 35 years old. If you can't deal with it, then you have to tell.
Can a nine or ten-year old child deal with the trauma of such abuse?
Children are incredibly resilient and can cope very well. They actually convince themselves that what is happening is good. A typical example is of a child groomed by the father. This child will not present with any problems because it feels very loved and often feels more important than the mother. Sometimes girls forget about being abused and push it to the back of their minds until they have children or till they go out on dates.
How to prevent child abuse?
Most offenders depend on secrecy. If there is no secrecy, then they will not be able to abuse as no culture supports abuse of children. So we have to start talking about it and also talk to the children about `touching rules'... It is also important to build a support system consisting of parents and teachers to whom the child can confide in case of an offence.
If the offender is the father, how do you explain to a child that the father is an offender?
You can't counsel the child on such issues until it is older. It is difficult. We also work with other members of the family. Mothers are usually not aware and feel so powerless so you can't really blame them.
Should we also try and understand the offender ?
Absolutely. Unless you do, you cannot solve the problem. The best way to stop people from committing the offence is by working with them while they are still children. Most offenders display some kind of pattern of offence by the time they are adolescents. We have to teach them self-control.
SUDHAUMA SHANKER
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