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In fool's paradise
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The gushing sound of the water in your tap, whirring fans in the bedroom, disciplined line-up of vehicles at the traffic signal, a smiling autowallah allowing you to pass by - you wake up from a dream. S. UPENDRAN reminds you what day it is today.
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AS YOU open your eyes to the dawn of another day, you expect the tired fan that is spewing out hot air to stop rotating any minute. After all, it is summertime in Hyderabad and you know what that means. No power in the early hours of the morning. That is if you are lucky. If you are not lucky, no power till the evening. All you do is sweat, sweat, and sweat. Drip, drip, drip. But today doesn't seem very hot. You don't feel as if you are inside a furnace.
As you brush your teeth something tells you that today is not going to be one of those usual Hyderabad days. The first sign is when you try the tap and instead of hot air, cool water actually gushes out. The second suspicious thing happens when you ring up the railway station to find out how late the Charminar Express is. A surprisingly cheery voice says the two words that you are unaccustomed to hearing from the railways, "On time.'' Keeping the chaotic Hyderabadi traffic in mind you leave early and what you find is that the roads are relatively free of traffic. What is more the roads look clean, as if they have been washed and there is no trash anywhere. As you approach the first traffic light, you have your first minor heart attack. Although there are no signs of policemen anywhere, drivers actually stop when the signal is red. There is no unnecessary honking, no gunning of the engines. Drivers look at each other and nod. Peace and quiet.
Wonder of wonders. As you enter the station, the stocky gentleman behind the counter wishes you a good morning, smiles before handing over the platform ticket. What's wrong with him? You ask yourself. The train arrives before time and the porters behave like gentlemen. The don't haggle, and you begin to wonder if you have entered some parallel dimension. But there's more to come. As you try to walk up the narrow flight of steps that seems to be the only way out of the platform, people queue up silently, waiting their turn to walk, and you find that one young man who has the look of a software engineer actually stands back to let an elderly woman through. "Not bad,'' you think. "The upwardly mobile have a conscience too!''
Walking out of the station the front page of a newspaper catches your eye: "Cooperative Bank offers to return all depositors' money by end of the week!'' No time to lose, now, you need to get that certificate out and get your money back before another bank bites the dust. As soon as you get home, you pick up the paper to see why the change of heart - aha, there it is, all the politicians who had swindled crores are having a change of heart, and are offering to bail these banks out with their money that is desperately seeking the Laundromat.
While one part of you is reeling in shock, the other, gullible side of you says, "Why not take a spin around Necklace Road just to celebrate?''.... the roads are so clean and clear, the people are polite, people are stopping by turns at the four- way stop signs, the auto drivers are yielding to you... and look, no long detour at the end of Tank Bund -- the flyover is completed!
You swing your car into high gear, preparing to take the bend, up and over the bridge, when you hear a screech of tires, the brake pressed down in an involuntary reflex. Just in time to see the flashing sign on the hoarding above --It's April Fool's Day.
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Metro Plus
Bangalore
Chennai
Delhi
Hyderabad
Kochi
Thiruvananthapuram
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