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Life... sans love
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More often than not, lack of understanding on part of the family can lead to mental illnesses. If only people were a little more tolerant...
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WHEN ONE has physical problems, people sympathise with him/her. But when someone is mentally ill, people react differently. It is a taboo subject in society.
Patients with mental disorders are often labelled "mad". In fact, there is a novel in Kannada (which was also made a movie, called `Sharapanjara') written by the famous writer Triveni, which deals with the issue of mental illness.
My psychiatrist friend, Kusuma, narrates many incidents about her patients, some funny, some heart-rending. Once at a party, she met a lady well known in the society. She had been Kusuma's patient a few years earlier. She was suffering from depression and was cured completely. Kusuma was very happy to see her and wanted to greet her.
But the moment the lady saw Kusuma she just walked away quickly. Kusuma was taken aback for she was expecting a smile and a nice word. After some time, the host introduced Kusuma to their guests, including the lady. She behaved as if she did not know Kusuma at all. After the party, the lady met Kusuma and apologised, "Doctor, you should excuse me for being indifferent to you. You gave me a new life. But I pretended I did not know you, because if I did, the rest of them would have guessed that I was your patient."
She left in tears, with the doctor gazing at her.
Once I wanted to discuss about some projects with Kusuma. So I went to Kusuma's clinic. The receptionist asked me to wait as she was seeing a patient.
As I was waiting for her, I noticed an old couple, sitting next to me. There was no smile on their faces and they looked worried. From the way they were dressed, it was apparent that they were from an affluent family. Probably, the patient was their daughter.
After some time, the patient came out and I entered Kusuma's chamber. I forgot the problem of rehabilitation as the image of the couple rose in front of my eyes. I was thinking what their problem could be and asked Kusuma.
She said that she could not tell me their problem, as it would be breach of trust. "However, I can tell you about some patients whose identity I will not disclose."
"One of my patients was Maya who came from a cultured background. She was married into a highly educated but not too cultured family. It was an arranged marriage. Jagadish, her husband, his sisters and her mother were always cruel to her. Jagadish had a good job, but very sacred of his mother. The mother took advantage of the situation and would always trouble the innocent daughter-in-law. Jagadish never was Maya's husband but `amma's' son."
"Kusuma, it is a similar situation in many homes."
"That is true. The social pressure is very high. Many a time, movies and TV serials too add to the pressure by emphasising on the institution of marriage. And the parents of girls always feel that the daughter must stay with husband, even though she may not be happy." "How did Maya react?" "Maya tried her best to adjust with her in-laws. She felt that one day her husband and in-laws would change but when she was convinced that her husband would never change, she went into a depression. A woman wants her husband's love. If she has that, she is ready to face anything. But once she knows that she will not get it, she feels utterly disappointed."
I could imagine the young and sensitive Maya going through such mental agony. She might have cried many times to Kusuma.
"How did you treat Maya?"
"I called Jagadish and his mother and explained to them that Maya needs love and care, not money. But they never understood. He is a principal of a college, but does not understand the simple philosophy of love. He is acclaimed as a great teacher, but his wife is mentally ill. I called Maya's parents' and told them there was no way Jagadish would take care of her. Maya should understand that and start living her own way rather than to depend on her husband's love. It was very hard on them, but as a doctor, it was my duty to tell them the truth."
"What happened to Maya?"
"I treated Maya for long time. After several counselling sessions and anti-depressants for a long period, she is all right. She is now with her parents." "Kusuma, is it not unfair? Jagadish causes Maya's mental state and for no fault of hers, she suffers. People talk as if Maya left her hus band."."Yes, who says life is fair? Life is always unfair. But if you want, you can make it fair... "
SUDHA MURTHY
(The author is Chairperson, Infosys Foundation. This is the last of the five-part series)
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