Metro Plus
Bangalore
Chennai
Delhi
Hyderabad
Kochi
The rules for parents
|
The rise in the number of nuclear families has led to a situation where many parents find themselves ill-equipped to handle their children. A recent workshop on effective parenting highlighted a few home-truths. PADMINI PATELL reports.
|
MY MOTHER MYSELF: Parenting is one of the most rewarding as well as challenging tasks.
* "How many times do I have to remind you that your school bag and shoes cannot be dropped in the living room?''
* "Do all your calls have to last for an hour?"
* "Can you turn the TV off and turn off that noise you call music?''
IF YOU are a parent, you would have found yourself uttering those sentences time and again. Children can prove to be hard taskmasters in the sense they have the knack of getting away with everything by taking advantage of their parents if allowed to.
This is where the rules apply. Children need to have firm rules and parents would be better off by disciplining them from day one to let the message across. A recent workshop on parenting held at Taj Krishna last weekend by STEP drove home these and other messages for young parents . The American Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, (STEP) was developed in the U.S. in 1976 and has reached over three million parents worldwide. Three certified STEP trainers brought it to Hyderabad - Anjum Babukhan, Arshia Ayub and Najma Sanai. Having been associated with counselling they were often confronted by anxious parents on methods to deal with children.
This was the beginning of their search that ended in a STEP training with the parent body at Florida. Arshia Ayub says, "we investigated many parenting programmes but found STEP had the most structured methodology. We also found that the value systems were very similar to ours in India. Despite being developed in USA, basic human skills are universal in nature. For example, active listening does not differ from country to country and children all over the world benefit from being taught responsibility and decision making.'' In today's age there is much talk about parenting and the problems couples have to deal with while bringing up their children.
FAMILY FORTUNES: With working couples on the increase, efforts are made to spend quality time with their childrens.
It is often considered a task. Parents even seek `lessons' to help their children who are put through a `process of growing up' by the parents.
The onus of parenting lies on the father and mother although eventually it is the mother who takes most of the burden on herself.
Children are fussed over, parents get rattled and life unnecessarily gets `complicated'. With working couples on the increase, efforts are made to spend extra quality time (more from guilt) with their children.
A few years or decades ago children grew up in a natural environment devoid of stress and strain . Parents went about their lives and their children's in a normal fashion.Although open to both husband and wife, the participants at the workshop were all women (understandably so).
The first half-day was spent in identifying the general expectations and goals parents have for their offsprings. Sharing highlighted some of the most common apprehensions such as spending quality time with children, treating siblings alike, monitoring TV viewing, passing on parental stress, giving equal importance to both academics and value education.
On the second day effective methods of communication, disciplining and understanding of child behaviour and misbehaviour and building self-esteem and motivation were some of the topics covered.
What was learnt naturally or passed on from generation to generation required a workshop to teach and drive home the point.
The group was kept agile with games and a lot of interactive learning. "I thoroughly enjoyed the workshop because I picked up valuable tips in a friendly and fun environment. I have already applied what I've learnt and I am surprised at how with a few changes in one's approach one can get the desired results,'' says Alvia Ahmed, mother of two children.
With the rise in the number of nuclear families aswell as academic pressure on children, too many materialistic lures and too little time for inculcating values, bringing up children is not what it used to be. In a country where parenting was considered just another role that came naturally to adults, some rules need to be modified. All too suddenly reality stares us in the face, that somewhere along the way we have not imbibed the fine art of good parenting from our older generation. We are ill equipped to handle our children and are far from being satisfied with how they are turning out. The blame is placed on the environment, schools, media but that hardly solves the problem. If training is a must for planning, painting and preaching why not for parenting?
Many agreed with Anjum when she said, "parenting is one of the most rewarding tasks in life but can also be the most challenging. Relationships are probably the most important aspect of living yet it is given the least attention. Everybody wants to be a good parent but find it difficult to strike the right balance. Personally, we have benefited from STEP and we would like to help as many parents as possible.''
However, everyone at the workshop agreed that the goals looked more achievable and there seemed to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Lipi Banerjee, mother of a four-year-old son and an infant daughter felt she needed some tips on how to deal with sibling rivalry. "The old methods used by our mothers and grandmothers don't always work these days. It helps to learn skills to cope with today's pressures. I think I have benefited from this workshop. It was concise and put across in with a very positive manner.''
Fortunately there is no thumb rule that applies to everyone. Each parent has to find methods that are feasible for their children who are very different these days - pampered, demanding, temperamental. So if you have run out of ways and means to look after your child or if you feel you would like to keep in step with Effective Parenting or enrol for the next workshop in January, Contact STEP at 265, Road No. 14, Banjara Hills, Hyderabad, Ph: 3554077 or log on to step_hyd@yahoo.co.in.
Printer friendly
page
Send this article to Friends by
E-Mail
Metro Plus
Bangalore
Chennai
Delhi
Hyderabad
Kochi
|
