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Are you listening?
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Listening is often forgotten during a conversation. Maintaining a good body language and paying full attention to the speaker is important.
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IT WAS one of those lazy Sunday afternoons where you are totally content to vegetate with nothing in particular demanding your attention or energy. Quite happy to merely flip the pages of the book that was lying on the coffee table, my attention was suddenly caught. This was the reason: We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because god knew that listening was twice as hard as talking! Even in that state of feeble brain wave output, those lines made a deep impression. Think about it for a moment! How sensible! But that is the problem. Anything that is simple and makes a lot of sense, is usually the hardest to put into practice.
If only we listened more and talked less, business, social and familial relationships would be much smoother, conversations would flow much easier, with everyone feeling that they have been heard and understood. In short, bliss all over and a sure Utopia! The average person "hears'' but seldom "listens". When you listen attentively, you make the other person feel very special and important. This also gives you openers for further developing the conversation by asking appropriate questions, peppering it with amusing observations or sharing your thoughts and experiences. See how easily a conversation develops? But you have to listen and listen with deep interest and the rest comes out naturally. One of the great incentives to cultivate the listening habit is - it takes care of the basic social anxiety people have, namely, `how to start and hold a conversation'. The answer to becoming a good conversationalist is very simple - listen more and speak less. The bonus point is, the other person might not even notice that you have not spoken much but will put the interaction down in their memory as the best conversation they have ever had! This is a skill that is very easily acquired but needs constant practice before it becomes a natural habit. Improve your listening skills by following some of these strategies.
Make eye contact. I learnt this lesson in grade school where my teacher would scold me for not listening. When I would protest vehemently, she always said, "You are not listening with your eyes"! This is very important. This makes the other person understand that you are truly interested in what they are saying and it also helps you to focus your attention.
Curb your mind from wandering and keep bringing it back to the scenario at hand. This is not the time to ruminate over what happened that day or plan what you are going to be doing tomorrow or wonder what, the people over there, are laughing or talking about. You can think faster than the other person can talk, creating a time lag that results in distraction of the mind. Focus on the content and not on the delivery. Don't be counting the number of times a person clears his/her throat.
Avoid being too emotionally involved in the conversation. When you are emotionally involved you hear only "what you want to hear" and not what is actually being said. Try to keep an open mind and be objective.
Be demonstrative by using the appropriate body language. Leaning slightly forward, facing the person who is talking to you, using facial expressions and nodding your head to show your understanding and interest in the topic are all essential to show that you are listening.
Use verbal messages to express that you are engaged in the conversation. "I see", "I understand", etc. are examples of this. Listening is a challenging mental task. Unlike the popular belief, it is far from being passive. You need to concentrate on what is being said, process and assimilate the information and respond in the appropriate manner. Put these strategies into action and keep practicing and the benefits are enormous.
CHITRA DANGER
(The writer is the director of ProEt Centre for International Protocol and Etiquette. Ph: 23372004/55503605, e-mail: proetique@yahoo.co.in )
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