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Helping to talk it out
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The opportunity to talk to a neutral `referee' helps the elderly at home come out with their problems and find a peaceful solution...
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IT IS not as if every Helpline case adds another success story to our records. Mostly the emphasis is on finding a compromise, which ensures peace and security of the elders. The case of the G family is one such.
Fifty six-year-old Mrs. G has lead an unhappy life. Her face always wore a sad look. First, it was her husband who ill-treated her, then her only son followed suit. Her husband, a self-made man, who came up the hard way, did everything to make his family financially comfortable. But felt that there ended his duty. The other family members disapproved of this attitude.
He used to torture his wife mentally and blamed her for their son's irresponsible behaviour, as he lived off his father's money. Right through the day Mrs. G was subjected to insults and abuse. She was not allowed to move out of the house to meet friends and relatives, lest she talked about the torture. As for the son, instead of supporting the mother, he exploited her helplessness and caused more misery to her.
Driven to despair, Mrs. G smuggled news of her problems through friends to Dignity Helpline and sought immediate help. Following their usual procedure, Helpline volunteers immediately called on the G family to ascertain the facts from all sides, a delicate and difficult operation considering the secrecy that was being maintained by the family. After many negotiations, it was discovered that all the three were firm about their views. The father strongly felt that the son was not properly guided by the mother during his childhood days.
The son complained that his parents always busy with their responsibilities had neglected him.
As for the mother, she was bitter that she was left alone to handle an unmanageable child. All this added up to an explosive combination of domestic discord.
Persistent persuasion for weeks and counselling the mother, who had been scarred emotionally have not brought about a complete solution. The only improvement being all the three have toned down their hatred for each other. Peace appears to be reigning in the G household.
This is an example of a situation in which the opportunity to talk to a neutral `referee' helps the aggrieved parties to `ventilate' and enables the `referee' to identify possible areas of compromise. When total agreement looks impossible, the next best option is to `enskill' the parties to cope with the reality of the situation with relative calm and restraint.
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