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The bitter half
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A helpline exists for men who are at the receiving end of harassment by women and their families. NANDHINI SUNDAR meets people who take male sufferers seriously.
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Collage: Athreya
IMAGINE BEING hounded on the issue of dowry. Imagine being the victim of harassment. Imagine being plied by a pile of lies about you. Imagine being hounded out of your home for no fault of yours. By the way, slam your brakes before you speed off to dial that women's helpline, because we're talking of men here.
How does one cope when one is put behind bars for a crime never committed, or worse, living under the constant threat of such a fate? The media is full of reports of women being harassed, tortured, and murdered for various reasons by their men. But there is a significant male minority who is at the receiving end from women. These hapless sufferers now have a helpline to turn to for succour.
Mention "harassed wife /daughter-in-law" and the liberal society is full of sympathy. But replace it with "harassed husband/ son-in-law", such concern is less forthcoming. Somehow, society does not seem to take male suffers seriously. After all, we hear more about wife-bashers than husband-beaters.
Women have traditionally been victims of patriarchal interests and social inequities. All along, words such as `dowry', `harassment', and `victim' pointed only to one gender: female. Laws have been framed in this respect keeping women's protection in mind. But who would have thought the day would come when the worm turns and uses these very laws to torment men?
So far, any incident of a male being victim of torment by women had been viewed as an exception, a one-off case. And that exactly was what Arun Murthy, founder of the helpline, was told when he and his family were put behind bars by his brother's wife on charges of dowry harassment. He also believed that his case was unique, until he discovered it to be otherwise, which prompted him to start the helpline to help other genuine victims.
The response was overwhelming. Within weeks of starting the helpline, which extends support to husbands and families "harassed" by IPC 498A and Dowry Prohibition Act, he was inundated by calls, some genuine, others not so, while many simply wanted to talk and unburden their woes to a gladly lent ear.
Take the case of Yeshwanth, software professional employed in the U.S.. The girl he married was epileptic, and her condition was successfully concealed by her family. The fact was also denied vehemently by them when suspicions were raised on the day of marriage. It was only a matter of time when the truth was established without doubt. When separation became inevitable, her family filed a case of dowry harassment against Mr. Yeshwanth's family. The latter himself has left the country, leaving his ailing, aged parents to fight the case and establish his innocence.
Says Mr. Arun Murthy: "Once a man is sent to jail, his life is ruined. In normal circumstances, an accused is presumed to be innocent until proven guilty. But in the case of dowry harassment, the man is taken to be guilty until he proves his innocence."
Mr. Murthy got the inspiration to start the helpline both from bitter personal experience and from the Patni Atyachar Virodhi Morcha started by Chugh, a senior advocate of the Supreme Court. This helpline extends counselling and advice on the legal recourse available through its team of volunteers who comprise lawyers, counsellors, and victims who can empathise with the aggrieved.
Adds Mr. Murthy: "The main problem is nobody believes the man's side of the story. Besides, even after he is proved innocent by the court, which might take years, there is no provision under the law to take punitive action against the woman and her family for filing a false case."
The same is echoed by Srinivasa., father of Mr. Yeshwanth. "I'm sure we can prove our innocence. But that is going to take a long time and perhaps some of the witnesses may not be available then. Even if they are, what about my son's life and us? We are old, ailing. Why should we go through this for no fault of ours?"
The likes of Mr. Yeshwanth are a minority, given the appalling atrocities committed against women in our society. But this in no way mitigates their pain and torment. There are others in the same boat. Mr. Arun Murthy pledges to bring them relief. "The whole thing boils down to justice," he continues, bitterness and hurt spilling out.
Those who want the help of the fraternity can contact 3500895 or victimsof498@rediffmail.com.
(Some names have been changed to protect their identity.)
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