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A U.S. primer
AMERICANS ARE nothing if not thorough. They like to have codes and manuals for making clear their stand on every conceivable situation. No wonder, therefore, they also have a primer on terrorism. Our readers are hereby allowed the rare privilege of peeking into it.
Definitions:
(1) "Terrorism" means any act which involves the use of violence against American citizens or property whether or not such violence is provoked by the United States Government's own policies and actions, and any act which injuries the collective ego and/or belittles the image of the United States as a superpower.
Explanation:
(i) If such violence happens within the borders of the United States, it shall be deemed to be a war on the United States.
(ii) Notwithstanding the fact that these may be unlawful or involve the use of violence, the activities of the United States Government or its agencies abroad shall not be deemed to be terrorism.
(2) A "terrorist" means any person other than a United States citizen who criticises the policies and practices of the United States Government and, in particular, shall include any person whom the United States Government has been trying unsuccessfully to apprehend, and any country which harbours, supports or sympathises with such person, or rejoices at the misfortunes, mistakes and failures of the Government of the United States.
Explanation:
(i) Whenever the Government of the United States considers a person a terrorist, the onus shall be on that person to prove that he is not one, and the United States Government shall not be required to present any evidence thereof; provided that this shall not entitle any country unless it happens to be an ardent and total supporter of the polices of the U.S. to accuse any other country, unless it happens to be a critic of the United States, of terrorism without proper evidence.
(ii) Any accusation of terrorism against the United States shall be considered ab initio void and untenable; if it is not withdrawn with apologies, the United States Government reserves the right to construe it as an act of war.
(iii) Notwithstanding its past record of activities which may otherwise amount to terrorism, no country so long as it supports the policies and practices of the Government of the United States shall be considered terrorist.
(iv) Any country which refuses to cooperate with the United States Government in combating what the latter considers terrorist activities and in such manner as the latter desires, shall ipso facto be considered terrorist.
(3) Notwithstanding anything contained in the rules of the United Nations or any past commitment made by the United States Government in this regard, while declaring war on any terrorist country, the United States Government shall not be bound to bring the matter before the Security Council or any other organ of the United Nations, or be influenced in any way by the views of the member countries of the latter; provided that this shall not in anyway constrain the right of the United States to pressure all other countries to settle their disputes by negotiation, through the good offices of the United Nations, or preferably, in accordance with the advice of the United States.
(4) All established rules, conventions and norms governing international behaviour shall be considered relevant and binding only to the extent that they are consistent with projecting and protecting the image of the United States as the most powerful, invulnerable and infallible nation in the world.
(5) In comparing the seriousness of the damage caused by acts of terrorism in the United States with that caused in other countries, the principle "One American life equals hundred non-American lives, and one dollar of damage to American property equals one thousand dollars of damage to non-American property" shall be adopted.
(6) The peoples of the countries whom the United States considers terrorist and on whom it declares war shall be persuaded, and if necessary pressured, to realise that the hardship caused to them is the price they have to pay for tolerating a terrorist regime, and that it is all in a good cause and will help liberate them from a terrorist government, eventually enabling them to enjoy, like other civilised peoples, the benefits of protection, guidance and the unquestioned leadership of the United States.
P. K. DORAISWAMY
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