D. Murali

LARRY King's Remember Me When I'm Gone, from Nan A. Talese (www.nanatalese.com) , is not about making ads that stay in viewers' minds long after the channel has been switched off, or the hoarding gone out of sight. The book is a bunch of obits and epitaphs that living people wrote for themselves, "an eloquent collection of `last words'," from over 300 celebrities on how they like to be remembered.

The first chapter is `Curtain Call' with inputs from actors and actresses. "At last — a parking space!" writes Joanna Barnes, and "Forgive me if I don't get up," is from Tony Bill. "His taste in music may have been terrible, but his choice of wardrobe was worse," is a line at the end of a long obit that Michael Ian Black pens with a humour punch. Hunt Block of The Next Best Thing is shocked, "Who? Me?"

Bernie Brillstein talks practically: "People wanted to be with him. Not now, though." Cathy Lee Crosby tucks in a disclaimer: "The opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect the view of Heaven, its CEO, or any affiliates thereunder." John Dykstra, a special effects expert, adds some of his specialty: "I'm surprised at how hard it is to think of something to say about myself after I'm dead, considering how much practice I had while I was alive." The producer of The Godfather, Robert Evans, takes vendetta all the way to the grave: "Living well is the best revenge!"

Another chapter, `Game, Set, Match,' groups up athletes and sports figures. Yogi Berra is the opening batsman with, "It's over." Joe Frazier is sombre: "I want to be remembered as being a good guy, one who always tried to help others in need." But Billie Jean King wants more: "I have had a great life, but I still have much more to do!" Authors and writers are in `Out of Print.' Jack Canfield, the famed founder of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, writes: "He helped heal the world ... one story at a time." Clive Cussler, author of Dirk Pitt novels, acknowledges, "It was a great party while it lasted. I trust it will continue elsewhere." Uri Geller conveys a paranormal idea: "From the other side I send you health, happiness and peace of mind." Erica Jong rues, "Since flesh can't stay, we pass the words along," and Stephen King admits, "He tried to be better than he was."

Larry draws cartoonists and artists `Back to the Drawing Board.' Scott Adams of Dilbert fame states, "I took it with me." Garfield creator Jim Davis likes to be remembered "as someone who was extremely old." J. C. Duffy sketches his tombstone with an announcement: "Logged off due to inactivity." Dennis the Menace sheds a silent tear in a page devoted to Hank Ketcham.

`Getting the Last Laugh' are comedians and comediennes such as Arte Johnson saying, "I seem to have run out of tomorrows," and Howie Mandel asking, "Is it me or did it just get dark in here?" A chapter called `Final Audit' is not for accountants but entrepreneurs and business people. Here, Tommy Hilfiger likes to be seen as "an all-American classic designer who brought class to the masses," while Steve Forbes of Forbes is unhappy, talking tax from the tomb: "The income tax is now flat — but, alas, so am I."

For journalists and reporters, `The Ink has Run Dry.' Dave Barry scripts his epitaph quite simply, "Dave's not here." David Brinkley, nicknamed `the elder statesman of broadcast journalism' affirms: "I always tried to tell the truth." How does Hugh Hefner of Playboy view the exercise? "I'd like to be remembered as someone who played some part in changing our hurtful and hypocritical views on sex — and had a lot of fun doing it." Gene Shalit assures, "I won't be back after this message." And Ted Turner cuts short, "I have nothing more to say."

Nor have I, except this: that from a surreal view, grave markers are the final messages in a different medium.

BookMark@thehindu.co.in

© Copyright 2000 - 2009 The Hindu Business Line