Date:26/12/2005 URL: http://www.thehindu.com/2005/12/26/stories/2005122601020200.htm

Karnataka - Bangalore

Why young couples break up?

Special Correspondent

`Effort should be made to solve differences before going to court'

Bangalore: Family courts do not easily divulge details of litigants coming before them but a look at the list of cases posted for hearing reveals that many couples, in their 20s and 30s, are opting for a legal break-up.

A lawyer regularly dealing with divorce cases, who does not want to be identified, says, "Even in seemingly orthodox families, divorce is no longer taboo. Where there are irreconcilable differences, parents and in-laws don't stand in the way of a divorce.'' Her partner in their law firm adds, "Patch-up efforts are made when there are children... young children are invariably given to the mother's custody by courts and visitation rights are often disputed but settlements are often reached.''

The question of alimony crops up but in most cases settled too. Most such divorces are through mutual consent petitions so the courts grant them after the norms regarding reconciliation through court-appointed officers are gone through.

Marriage counsellors such as Suchitra Rao try to bring about rapprochement, especially when young children too are involved. Where there is dispute over custody of children, the accepted practice is for children, if they are old enough, to be called into the judge's chamber and their wish ascertained. Unlike what you see on TV or in movies, no child is forced to be in the custody of either parent. In any case, once the children are 18 years old, they have the right to opt to live with any parent they want to be with, lawyers explain.

While marital spats are common everywhere, serious differences in temperament and tastes and outlook on life, bring about a break-up, says psychotherapist Sunanda Murthy. Physical and mental incompatibility is considered valid grounds for a divorce, under Indian law. Mental or physical cruelty, insanity and physical inability to have normal sex, are other conditions accepted by all communities. "Where there are more serious problems such as a spouse having extra marital affairs, divorce may be the only answer,'' says Dr. Murthy.

Marriage counsellors suggest that couples sit down and discuss what they find unacceptable in each other, if possible, even before they tie the knot. A genuine effort to solve differences should be made before going to the family court, they say.