Date:02/05/2006 URL: http://www.thehindu.com/2006/05/02/stories/2006050213680200.htm

Karnataka - Bangalore

Of problems and self-confidence

Special Correspondent

When a person is battling an illness or has to tackle myriad problems, his self-confidence naturally plummets

Bangalore: It may sound strange to be told, "learn to love yourself." But many people who lack self-confidence may have to do just that. And avoid confidence and energy draining people and thought processes.

"Many people with low levels of self-esteem and confidence are actually denying themselves of the right to be considered as good as the next person," says psychotherapist Sunanda Murthy.

The immediate family, work environment and workload, lack of good, supportive friends, physical and emotional health and personal finances, are mostly behind a person's lack of self-confidence. When you have to deal with a chronic illness, if you are out of shape, if you are at conflict with your spouse and if your bank balance is not sufficient to settle bills, your self-confidence naturally plummets.

Do not try to tackle all such problems at one go, but make a list of things that are bothering you and then tick items by priority, suggests Dr. Murthy. It may be better to deal with a health problem immediately and then deal with the family situation. When you are in good health many inter-personal conflicts can be dealt with better.

Planning your finances may take time and you will have to take steps like curbing impulsive spending. Getting back into shape may take weeks and months of work at a gym or health club, but the results will be worth it. When you are able to dress fashionable and be shapely enough to fill out the right kinds of clothes, you naturally feel more confident."Energy draining situations and people are another obstacle to better self-confidence. Passively accepting a heavy workload will both tire yourself out and affect your efficiency; do find the courage to say it is more than you can handle at a time'' she says.

Then, there are people who are too cynical, not exactly enjoying their work and prone to gossiping. They literally eat into your time and affect your work. They may have to be firmly but politely tackled. Listening to office gossip may soon lead you into gossiping and later being the subject of gossip yourselves.