Date:29/05/2006 URL: http://www.thehindu.com/2006/05/29/stories/2006052907530200.htm

Karnataka - Bangalore

Towards building self-confidence

Special Correspondent

`Many can gain more confidence at work and in inter-personal relationships'

Bangalore: Staying calm and cool, especially under pressure, is something we all want.

Often we just cannot stay cool when things go wrong or something happens to undermine our self-confidence.

"Personality traits are often difficult to change, but most of us can gain more confidence at work and in inter-personal relationships,'' says psychotherapist Sunanda Murthy.

Change cannot happen overnight if you have been lacking in confidence for years.

Like the person who never raises his hand at office meetings and can never say "no" when loaded with extra work.

What you can do is to break up situations that need better confidence on your part into reasonably small components that can be tackled one at a time. Take office situation for one example, she says. All too often you become the "go-to-guy" because you are always available to take on additional chore.

Inside you are seething because you are already working 12 hours and can barely make it back to work that day, let alone meeting deadlines.

"Work yourself up just for once to say a very polite but firm `no', explaining why you cannot take on any more work and how your don't want to miss the deadline for the duties already given you.

The other person may be taken aback, may grumble and even make an angry remark or two. Take it in your stride and stay calm. You have just won a small `confidence' battle,'' Dr. Murthy says. The next time it will be easier.